Freakylinks
Subject: Coelacanth This!

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Thunderwhat?

They've inserted this new effect between scenes that is basically like a rainbow-colored digital signal-breaking-up kind of thing. It's annoying. I'm just going to ignore it. Anyway, it signals the beginning of a montage of Derek-led interviews with locals. They ask a little girl if she ever goes in the woods with her bike. Any self-respecting pre-teen would yell, "Stranger danger!" and run into the house, crying at that question. This little girl tells them that the woods are haunted. Some waitress, wearing a pig-nose-bedecked paper hat, tells them that she knows Cassie and Brandon. A guy gassing up his motorcycle says that Brandon is "a jerk with a drinking problem." Pig Hat Girl starts gushing over the video camera, since they "don't get many of those in a small town." Like there's not a Wal-Mart the next town over, and I would presume they have Internet access as well, and could easily procure such a camera, but whatever. A guy taking a break from welding tells them that when the deer population goes up, the bear population goes up, and you get cubs, and thus very "protective mama bears." He mentions some trouble "twenty, twenty-five years ago" where "some hunters got torn up" and there were "pieces of them everywhere." Motorcycle Boy says that he thinks the whole haunted woods thing is a hoax. Could this entire scene be more of a rip-off of Blair Witch Project? Is that even possible, given that one of the "Consulting Producers" also did Blair Witch? The whole "montage of the locals using a video camera" is just too much, though. Anyway, Pre-Teen Girl is now wearing a cape, a mask, and a tiara for no apparent reason, and says that the woods are definitely haunted. When Jason asks if she honestly believes that, she says, "it's happened." Is that an answer? Welding Break Guy says that he thinks it's the bears. Pig Hat Girl makes the connection between these people with the video camera and the website, and the people who "pulled Cassie from the woods." This makes her very excited. Creepier-With-Every-Scene Pre-Teen Girl now has the cape draped over her head as she says, "You're gonna find it. It'll find you." Blessedly, the montage ends there.

Back at his computer avec wifebeater, Derek pontificates, "Ghosts? Bears? Some kind of ancient evil? A lot of different people and a lot of different theories." Couldn't he have just said that and spared us the montage? Derek announces that they finally found "something real," meaning Brandon Dunhill. Well, he adds, "sort of."

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Freakylinks

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