Episode Report Card
Alien Nation

Kent farm. The cows ask, "Why are we sweating in December?" Clark enters the barn and throws some sacks with no real regard to where they land. Bo is spinning in his grave. And not because of Kryptonite. Clark sees Javier washing his hands in a small barn sink. "Hey!" Clark yells. The kid runs off. At least turn off the water faucet! Don't you know how to do that in English!? Without using his powers, Clark is able to cut in front of Javier and stop him. Javier is not looking too fresh. "What happened to you?" Clark asks. "Are you all right?" Javier says nothing. His arms are scraped up. Clark says that he should get cleaned up, and invites the kid inside. Good thing Clark's not, you know...funny that way. Clark promises that no one will hurt him. Javier just gulps. But in English.

Inside the Kent home, Clark puts some bacon on Javier's plate to go along with the huevos gringos. Javier has changed shirts. Now he's wearing a striped blue shirt, presumably borrowed from Clark, open to expose his white undershirt. Puro cholo, holmes. Clark says he thinks they have milk, orange juice, and lemonade. He gave the kid a full meal before offering him a drink? Clark goes to the tiny, ancient refrigerator and looks inside, grousing, "This would be easier if I spoke Spanish." What makes Clark think the kid speaks Spanish? Or that he's Hispanic? The kid could be Greek. Or Croatian. Or French. Or Latvian. Or Italian. Or [insert ethnic group here, multiply by infinity]. "Orange juice, please," the kid says. Ohhhh...he Kidactorian. "Orange juice!" Clark chirps. "Your English is perfect." Yes, we were aware of the strange casting too, Clark. You really gotta talk to your people about this. Javier says that he watched a lot of American TV. For that accent, he'd have to have watched every show we've ever recapped for about fifty years. Clark asks his name. This is where he should have busted out "Carlos de los Santos Ignacio 'Pepito' Alejandro Guzman 'El Puma' Seranno Javier Torres Montemayor Villalobos. 'Javier' for short." "I'm Clark," says Clark. Clark de los Alíens Grandes y Tontos.

Clark pours some O.J. as he asks what Javier is doing all scraped up and hiding in his barn. Javier makes Clark promise not to call the police. Oh no, he's a cow thief! Clark asks why he'd call the police. Because of all the cow thieving! Javier says that he ran away from the farm down the road. If it's just down the road, how did Clark not hear that earth-shattering growling the night before? Clark recognizes the farm. Javier says that he had to escape to find his mom. Clark says that the farm sounds like a prison. Javier tells Clark that nobody was allowed to leave, and that there was barely enough to eat. Javier explains how he and his friend tried to escape, but there was a loud rumble and Francisco went poof! Clark says he's sorry, but he'll have to call the sheriff. To be fair, Clark never promised. Javier says that Clark can't do that: "I'm here illegally. They'll send me back to Mexico." Not "Mejico." Straight up, English-pronunciated "Mexico." "'Mexico'?" says Clark. "That's a long way from Smallville." And it's a fuck-long way from Vancouver. Clark asks how Javier got there. Javier says that a "Coyote" (pronounced the gringo way, "Cay-otee," not "Coy-oat-eh") smuggled fifteen of them across the border last week in the back of a truck. Wait. Javier has been in the country for one week and has no accent? I hate to harp on this (except really I don't), but what the fuck!? How did this kid get cast? He's no better or worse than most of the guest stars on the show, but he's just wrong. There aren't any Latino teen actors who could have filled this role and done a passable, and not insulting, Mexican accent? Jesus Hispanic Christ! Javier continues his sob story: he was sent to be with his mom, but instead ended up working on the farm. At least it wasn't Maggie's farm. Clark asks where his mom is now. Javier says that she's working at a laundry company in Granville. When his dad died, his mom came north to work, and saved for two years to bring Javier over. I'm not sure all the subterfuge was necessary, given that her son could have passed for an American and just walked across without much fuss and a little paper forgery. Clark says that Javier's mom must really miss him. Javier says that his mom gave him a St. Christopher medal to keep him safe. He says he should have given it to Francisco; that they were like brothers. Clark tells Javier not to worry; they'll find his friend. Taking a dirt nap.

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