Survivor
Survivor Season 1: The Greatest And Most Outrageous Moments

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Striking It Rich a Second Time

Island Cuss Fest 2000 begins as Kelly and Sue yell at each other over the perceived flip-flopping of Kelly's loyalty. "Bullshit" and "Fuck" are the cuss words du jour. Kelly uses "bullshit" and Sue prefers "fucking." These are some classy ladies, y'all. The whole Kelly/Sue fight is replayed here, right down to the shot of Sue shaving her legs that blinded me last summer. Kelly goes straight to Rich trying to explain herself, and he's just thinking about eating her liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. The extended argument with Kelly and Sue is more boring than the more neatly edited TV version. Sue assures Kelly that she won't let her into the final three. Then Sue goes to Rich. Rich uses "fuck," too, and Sue finally says, "Fuck that shit," and plans to reveal to the other voted-off team that once upon a time, Kelly voted for Gretchen, not Sean. So that's the scheming we didn't get to see.

The next segment begins with Sue getting into her big rig. Her scary audition tape, with a big cow skull in the background, is shown again. She reads a poem that is terrifying, and shows her in a multitude of personalities. It's obvious at this point that the producers chose her based on the fact that she seems very psychotic. In her interview, she's asked if she ever beat up boys when she was growing up. She says she enjoyed tackling other kids, and mostly had friends who were boys. On the island, Sue asks Rudy if she would have made a good Navy SEAL. He says that, first off, you have to learn to keep your mouth shut. What follows is a hilarious pastiche of Sue saying "awww, man" many, many times in a row, like the great Homer Simpson clip of him saying, "d'oh" multiple times. She is then shown saying, "Oh, yeah," and "cool," and other failed catchphrases. Rudy, sitting on a tree, says, "She should keep her goddamned mouth shut." Exactly.

The next clip is discussion between Rich and Sue about the alliance. Then a funny clip of Greg saying that Sue has an accent that'll drive you up the wall. Next thing is Sue shown working hard, saying "tapioca" a few times, and belching loudly. Then Sue's scheme to make people think she's a dumb redneck who plans to burn the city slicker in the end. We skip right ahead to tribal council thirteen where Sue is finally voted off. "Hey, no problem, I'm ready to go," Sue says. In her final remarks (which are far from her real final remarks), Sue complains a little, but says that overall she had a good time and that it was better than driving her truck. She says that the thing she's learned is that, in the end, you can't trust anybody. She also reveals that Greg scared her, and she thought he was a sneaky snake. She picks on his having a multiple personality disorder. Yes, Sue, you are so unlike him. Sue babbles and babbles and the jump cuts imply she went on for at least three hours. The person she trusted most, she concludes, is Rudy.

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Survivor

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