Lost
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

We're back in the pouring rain outside Marshal Shrap's Bleeding and Groaning Emporium. Kate looks sad. And pensive.

Commercials! I think the only good Old Navy advertisement of the past ten years was the one that ended up being an ad for Geico.

Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain. Walt and Mercutio are under a tarp. Mercutio asks Walt about Locke. "What did he say?" Mercutio asks, and is rightfully worried when Walt says, "Some of it's secret." Letting your kid get molested by an old man on a deserted island: -2000 Good Dad points. Walt says that Locke told him, "A miracle happened here." Mercutio points out that they did all just survive a fiery plane crash, and adds that he doesn't want Walt hanging around with Locke. Aren't I your friend too? he asks. Walt hauls out the big guns: "If you were my friend, you would find Vincent." Ouch. "I'm gonna get your dog back as soon as it stops raining," Mercutio says, at which point it promptly stops raining. Heh.

Out in the jungle, Mercutio's pushing through the tall grass, doing that baloney that TV and film always make wisecracking black guys do whenever they get shown up the scene before. "'As soon as it stops raining.' Good. Nice." You know what I'm talking about. Loud, "funny" repeating what one said the previous scene to one's self. Maybe I'm the only one who ever notices it. "Walkin' through the haunted damn jungle, looking for --" He's cut off by rustling in the underbrush. He then enacts the following one-act play:

Mercutio: Vincent?
Definitely Not a Dog: [Roooooar! Growwwwl...]
(Pause.)
Mercutio: Vincent? That you, buddy?
Obviously Not Even Close To a Dog: [Growwwwwl. ROOOOAR!]
(Mercutio EXITS, pursued by a bear or something.)

He runs and runs until he is stopped short by a topless and extremely bony Sun, who is washing her filthy self as per her husband's loving orders. A totally embarrassed Mercutio simultaneously gawks and doesn't gawk in a patently ridiculous manner; in his defense, I did get the impression he was worried that the thing that was 100 percent not a dog might still be on his tail. Sun looks at him like he's crazy. Mercutio tries to hand her her bra while averting his eyes, and then walks away, mumbling about how he didn't see anything. What the hell is this, The Wonder Years? Hey, speaking of Koreans, we saw Team America: World Police the other night, which I can heartily recommend, even though it's not the unified work of genius that the South Park movie was. But it did teach me that Kim Jong Il, Dear Leader of North Korea, besides being a tremendous golfer, also sounds exactly like Cartman with a speech impediment. Also, he's ronery. Kim Jong Il was definitely the funniest thing in the movie, other than the logo of Team America, which is a fierce-looking eagle holding in its beak a tiny globe.

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Lost

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