TB Or Not TB

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 3 USERS: B-
That Isn't The Question

Sebastian says that none of this matters anyway, since he knows he has TB and just needs them to treat him and release him back to Africa, at which point he (one hopes) won't still be contagious. That would be pretty devastatingly ironic, if the guy who was crusading to save all those lives ended up being part of the reason those people had TB in the first place. Anyway, House thinks Sebastian's symptoms are too varied for a TB diagnosis. Sebastian scoffs that he's seen thousands more cases of TB than House has, so he thinks he knows a little bit more about the disease. He wasn't the one who requested House's second opinion, anyway -- his backers did. He orders a PPD and sputum test to confirm the diagnosis, and a CT scan to remove all possibility of error. He leaves the room to answer his cell phone as the Cottages jump to their Sebastian-assigned work.

Out in the hall, Sebastian yells at someone for not selling his firstborn son away to buy TB drugs. When he's finally off the phone, Cameron gently informs him that cell phone use is (sometimes) against hospital regulations. Sebastian simply says he needs his phone. The Cottages are used to dealing with difficult, stubborn men, and manage to convince Sebastian to worry his own health for a while. Then their pagers go off with an emergency. Foreman and Chase rush off to take care of it, while Cameron stays behind to inform Sebastian that he has a phone in his room. "Yeah, I figured that there would be," Sebastian snots, and heads for the elevator. Cameron follows, holds the elevator door open, and nervously stammers that she just thought PPTH wasn't like African hospitals, so Sebastian might have forgotten what First World healthcare is like. If PPTH is anything to go by, Third World healthcare is much better. Sebastian finally thanks Cameron for sending him that check, and then Cameron's pager goes off again as her emergency patient probably dies thanks to her decision to flirt instead of take care of him.

The Cottages assemble in House's office, where he informs them that the emergency is that he can't make his yo-yo walk the dog. Maybe I was wrong about Cameron, and she's actually the smart person in the group for knowing that House's emergency page was just another one of his trademark mindfucks and not letting it interfere with her day. Good on you, Cammy. House says that he paged the kids for a Sebastian-free differential diagnosis. He says they won't be giving Sebastian any TB confirmation tests, since House is still convinced that Sebastian has something else, based on how quickly his symptoms appeared. TB usually takes years to progress the way it has with Sebastian. Just ask the Brontë sisters, but only if you're ready for a long-winded, snore-inducing answer chock-full of overly-described moors and crazy attic ladies. Only the Brontës could make that stuff boring. Chase says that Sebastian could have something metabolic, and House calls him a kiss-ass, because there's nothing you can say to him that won't get you made fun of, which is why Foreman smartly hangs out in the background and doesn't say anything at all. Cameron dismisses Chase's theory, so he comes up with another: there's something wrong with Sebastian's heart. He notes a very subtle abnormal heart rhythm in Sebastian's EKG. House agrees with Chase, and the Cottages go off to do some heart tests. House orders them to treat Sebastian the way they would any other hospital patient, and put him in one of those backless gowns so that everyone can see his body-powdered ass.

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