Episode Report Card
admin: B | 5 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys: It's What's (Almost) For Dinner

Back in the Stud Cages, Jenkins continues to be an ass, telling Sam to give up his attempts to break out of the cage. Just then, Sam breaks some sort of bracket off some sort of thing he's tugging on (I know, eloquence is my strong suit), and Jenkins's cage springs open. The rat scoots out, excited that Sam must have caused the locking mechanism to short out, and then neglects to heed Sam's warnings that he's walking right into a trap. He promises that he'll send help back (yeah right). Jenkins tiptoes out of the barn into the rainy woods. He sneaks past the old farmhouse and past an army of broken-down cars mired in the mud, coming upon an old knife and thanking God that he now has this helpful tool with which to fight the gays off. Jenkins hears branches snapping and he takes off running, only to be struck down by a big man wielding a large stick. Oh, Jenkins! Cover your ass! Literally! Jenkins tries crawling away, but it turns out the large stick is actually a spear, and Jenkins gets a speared leg before getting up and running. Jenkins runs for about five feet through the eerie and foggy woods, hears whooping noises, and decides to stop to take a breather. Perfect timing. He gets another spear to the leg, this one going clear through his limb just below the knee, and he falls to the ground just as two men in camouflage circle around him. They let him get up once more, so Jenkins runs...straight into some sort of trip wire. The two camo guys lope up to him, and take a second to glance at one another in glee and with nasty yellow teeth before ramming their spears right through Jenkins. And that's what happens, kids, when you are a raging homophobe. Jenkins's death screams echo through the forest, all the way in to Sam's cage. Metal Teeth Chomp.

Commercials. Officer Hottie and Dean walk down a sidewalk carrying coffee cups. Where are they and what were they doing all night? It sort of looks like they're filming right next to the catering table. Nothing like saving a few bucks here and there. Dean asks why she's helping him, and she tells him that her brother disappeared three years ago in similar circumstances, and so she decided to project her own grief onto this case. Great police work, lady.Driving down a country road, Dean spots a turnoff. They start to investigate, but Officer Hottie tells Dean he has to stay by the car. He refuses, and she points out that he's "a civilian, and a felon." Heh. He continues to refuse, and it looks like she's going to let him tag along. But first, she asks, does he promise to stay out of anything dangerous? Dean promises, but we all know his fingers are crossed behind his back. Then she wants to shake on the promise. What, no pinky swear? Dean extends his hand, and while they shake, she pulls handcuffs out of her sleeve and claps them on his wrist. Nothing restrains a man like one wrist handcuffed to the air. They then magically teleport back twenty feet to the squad car, where she locks the other handcuff onto the door handle. Dean is exasperated; Officer Hottie goes off to investigate. Dean mutters that he has to start carrying paper clips.

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