The Counteragent

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

Honestly, I don't really understand the whole test thing. When you watch the show, it sort of makes sense, but then, when you see the transcription or watch the closed captioning, NOTHING is clear. Like, I totally don't get the whole 1982/1983 download thing. I really don't. And I really don't feel like trying to figure it out. Suffice it to say, Will has a fake test in hand and he's none too pleased about it.

Kommandant Krispy Kreme's Office. First Mate Flesh Gordon's all, dude, Jack, I chatted with Richter and he gave us a province in the Ukraine. Smilla. I sent a team there to search for Irina's digs, but no luck. Can I just say something here? While he's talking, Ron Rifkin's making his head blobble back and forth. Is he doing that on purpose? He looks like one of those little bouncy dolls that cabbies put on their dashboards. Is this supposed to indicate to us just how craaaaaazy Sloane's become? Because it's working. He looks like he's developed a scorching case of Parkinson's to go along with his hefty dose of dementia.

Jack wants to know when Sergeant Super Mario Sunshine is leaving for Tokyo. Lieutenant London Underground is all, I leave in an hour, Jack, and dude? If I don't show up with something hot and tasty and TANGIBLE, I'm pretty sure the Alliance is going to remove my kidneys with a spoon and serve them to the board members with a nice three-bean salad and a refreshing raspberry iced tea.

Torture Room Of Tense Blue Tones And Psycho SD-6 Leaders Who Haven't Lost Their Evil Touch. Jumping Jack Flash and Special Agent Short Bus are teaming up against Richter as the Henchman of Hurt puts more burn to Richter's leg. Jack's all, just give us an address, dude, and all this pain can end. Richter just keeps saying "Smilla" over and over again. Sloane tugs on his ear, and all his marbles come tumbling out his nose. He gets all up in Richter's virus-laden face and grits, "Just tell me where the hell Derevko's operation is! You give me an address now, you son of a bitch! Where in Smilla do we look?"

Okay. Have you seen From Hell? Because not only is Johnny Depp hotter than a jalapeño in it, but there's this scene where they finally show Jack the Ripper while he's in the middle of killing someone, and the actor has special contact lenses that make his eyes look like big black pools of darkness and his mouth is painted a sort of bloody red and he looks completely mental, and, well, that's what Ron Rifkin's doing here. Only, like, without the special contact lenses. Or the bloody red mouth. But with the "mental" still glaringly present and accounted for.

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