Alias
The Counteragent

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Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

What? Huh? What does killing Sloane have to do with Irina? Killing Sloane has to do with Syd getting the antidote for Vaughn. I mean, maybe indirectly this whole process can be brought back around to Mama Hari, but, like, so what? When Jack was training his daughter to put together a gun in thirty seconds flat, was he thinking THAT little skill wouldn't come in handy later in life when she had to, oh, I don't know, KILL SOMEONE? And, by the way, unless Syd's planning on slicing Sloane's throat with a shoe razor, she AIN'T the one who's closing the door on him for the last time. Sark is. All she's doing is knocking Sloane out and delivering him to Sark. Big difference. I mean, there's being responsible for someone's death and BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE'S DEATH. You can pay someone to pull the trigger, but it sure as hell ain't NOTHING like pulling the trigger yourself, ya know?

And thus endeth the lesson. Talk amongst yourselves.

Tokyo. City Of Sony Products, Miniature Cell Phones, And Ten-Foot-High Platform Shoes That Actually Can Kill. Syd's wandering around what is probably the Japanese garden section of the Los Angeles Botanical Gardens. She's dressed as a geisha, and really, it's the first time that a disguise hasn't worked for Syd. White face make-up is truly NOT working for her. They probably shouldn't have her dress up as a clown in future episodes. Syd-san tells Sark that she's on the grounds. Sark, parked in a car somewhere on the grounds, tells her that he's sent one of his associates over to the U.S. Naval Medical Center to meet up with Spy Daddy.

At the same time, Jack's milling around outside the U.S. Naval Medical Center as a car drives up. The window rolls down, and Sark's buddy tells Jack that he has the antidote with him, but it's being held in a very secure briefcase, which is security coded with a secondary system wired to a remote detonator. Jack's all, no shit, Sherlock. The associate's all, only Sark has the code, my friend, and until I receive word from him to release the serum, this case here remains closed.

Back in Tokyo, Sloane enters a serene and beautiful massage parlor that we can only assume does NOT offer "happy endings." We're forced once again to look at the hairy torso of Ron Rifkin. Why? Whyeeeee? Have we been bad in a previous life? Is this the seventh ring of hell? Ron Rifkin's not a bad man but, like, KEEP HIS CLOTHES ON, OKAY? Some of us hate vomiting, but we're NOT afraid to do it.

Syd-san shuffles up to Ron's House Of Geisha and has a little conversation with Sark. He wishes her luck. "I don't need you to wish me luck, you son of a bitch," she hisses. "That's a wonderful attitude," Sark smirks. Syd-san walks up to the building where Sloane's receiving his geisha massage. Before she can enter, however, she comes into contact with a Japanese guard who asks her a question in Japanese. Now, my friend Wedge's girlfriend is actually from Japan, and I toyed with the idea of playing the tape for her so she could interpret, but, like, I decided that was FAR too much effort for dialogue that's only present to fill the few seconds before Syd's supposed to kick some Japanese ass. So, as I expected, the guard asks one too many questions in Japanese, and Syd-san elbows him in the face and knocks him down. Another guard joins in on the fun, and Syd-san performs a little geisha-flavored jujitsu on his ass, managing to do a back flip without losing her wig OR her kimono, and knocks his ass down as well.

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Alias

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