Episode Report Card
admin: D- | 5 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Make It A Manwitch Night

...this week's motel room where, to their surprise, The Cypriot Leprechaun's Longtime Companion awaits their return. "Take it," she orders, shoving a piece of marked-up loose-leaf paper into their faces. "It'll help you," she assures them. The "it" in question is, of course, the aforementioned Manwitch vanquish. Ooops. I mean, the "it" in question is, of course, "the most powerful reversal spell [they've] ever laid eyes on," but as it will reverse all of The Manwitch's work, it will also rapidly age The Cypriot Leprechaun into oblivion so, you know, same difference. And why is The Cypriot Leprechaun's Longtime Companion offering this to them now? She refuses to say, but she does take a lengthy and significant moment to twiddle with a silver locket at her throat, a character detail which you may wish to note. You know, just in case it becomes important at the end of the episode when she opens it to reveal the thing contains photographs of her now-deceased and much-missed daughter as both a rosy-cheeked infant and an ancient deathbed biddy, thereby establishing motivation for The Cypriot Leprechaun's Longtime Companion's death wish. Or something like that. And with that, she's out the door, leaving Old Dean and Blockheaded Bobby to stare vacantly at each other.

Down in The Cellar Of Boring Blockheaded Doom, The Manwitch lets an nice little old Jewish man win enough years to last long enough to see his granddaughter's bat mitzvah, then turns his attention to Darling Sammy, who's arrived for some boring blockheaded poker. Next!

Over in some ridiculously scenic nighttime graveyard, Speed Racer cools his jets while Old Dean desecrates the final resting place of a convicted murderer, as the vanquish requires said convicted murderer's jawbone. Grumbling ensues, with Old Dean complaining about the pains in his feet and his back and his hands and his creaky elbows, and at one point, Old Dean instructs "Ironsides" to "pound it up [his] ass," and because I am attempting to make it through this misbegotten abortion of an episode as quickly as possible, I will not be rewinding to figure out why Old Dean would say such a thing to Blockheaded Bobby. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Pound it up your ass, Raoul. Reference is made to The Bucket List, and as Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson have insulted the sainted memories of their careers -- the former by banging his step-granddaughter, the latter by being Jack Nicholson, and the both of them by appearing in The Goddamned Motherfucking Bucket List -- I'll be ignoring whatever supposedly amusing moments these two share during this endlessly pointless scene in favor of returning to...

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