The Final Four (Australia)

Episode Report Card
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A Cowboy, a Clown, and Two Third Graders...

Colby still can't believe that he won a car. He's even excited that it's yellow. I can't improve upon Omar's last-season description of the Pontiac Aztek looking like the product of an SUV getting dry humped by a Honda CRX. Throw in mutant banana and a tarp, and you've got this car. Colby says the car is "way cooler" than he thought it would be, which sounds like a back-handed compliment to me. As Peachy and Colby eat "appetizers," Peachy asks if Colby wants him to "bring out the good food." In a tough voice, Peachy orders, "Bring out the food!" And Colby stands up, puts his hands on his hips, and says, "Don't you talk to my momma that way!" Well, he doesn't do that but I do think he had to know his mom or another loved one would soon appear. Anyway, Colby's mom and her makeup carry out the food and creep up behind Colby, who doesn't even bother to look surprised. Even if I weren't 100 percent sure he was expecting someone, I would think he wasn't surprised. Colby sweeps his mom and her makeup off their feet. In an interview he tells us he hadn't realized how much he misses "the touch and the intimacy of loved ones." Hugging his mom and her makeup brings back his "daily normalcy." Colby immediately shows off the flowers and says Tina and Elisabeth are "two incredible women." His mom and her makeup make an unusual face; I think they're wondering if Colby's been getting the "touch and the intimacy" from anyone else these days. They say it's weird to see him. Colby tells them he only had four spoonfuls of rice that day; they can't believe it. He doesn't mention that he's won every food challenge to date. Colby's mom and her makeup tell us in an interview that there's a look in Colby's eye from hunger and "emotional isolation" that they don't like. Colby then tells his mom and her makeup that he's only "been to the bathroom three times." He holds up three fingers for emphasis. His mom and her makeup say they knew he was going to lose weight but that they weren't prepared for this. Colby says they're all really weak. As Colby settles into the tent, his mom and her makeup walk by and he says, "There you are." They lie in the bed tent and talk about how hard everything has been for Colby and the S4 because "it's so easy to get kicked off." This certainly is edited to make Colby, his mom, and her makeup look very V.C. Andrews.

The next morning, Colby showers and his mom and her makeup take pictures. They can get good money for those on eBay! Colby tells us it's the most refreshing shower he ever had. He then says the hot shower was the thing he looked forward to the least, but he liked it the most next to his visit with his mom and her makeup. He says he had no idea that having a "hot shower" would feel so good. He emphasizes the "hot."

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