Episode Report Card
admin: C | 10 USERS: A
Stop The Hardy Boys -- I Want To Get Off

...Ellsworth's Emporium, where the demon in question busily works both a bank of regular phones, masquerading as various Federal agents as necessary, and a bank of those nifty little blood phones while two of his underlings drag one of Mother's bagged beasties in from outdoors. As Ellsworth howls for the underlings to take the beastie out back, Castiel's Voiceover informs us that Our Intrepid Heroes could easily use Ellsworth and his minions to locate Crowley, and for that reason, My Badass Baboo has little choice but to flutter in and sear their brains out with his magical hands. By the way, it suddenly occurs to me that "Current Castiel" is actually the guy we saw in the snow-covered park at the top of the episode, and that this entire episode is pretty much a flashback, but in the interest of clarity, I'll be pretending I didn't notice that. Now, where was I? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Oh, yes: My Badass Baboo sears the various demons' brains out with his magical hands, and when he's done, he looks around at the carnage with a rather bleak expression on his adorable face until he vanishes into this evening's first CHOMP!-less commercial break.

Ellsworth's Emporium. Dean boots in the front door and enters with Bobby to find the place deserted, as Castiel apparently removed all traces of Ellsworth's existence from the joint before recloaking himself to loiter around by the house's impressive stone fireplace. Sam presently joins them, confirming that the place is just as empty out back, as well, but the three nevertheless make with the Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands to perform another sweep as Castiel's mournful-sounding voiceover bemoans the fact that his "motives used to be so pure." We zap once again back to the last scene of last season's finale to pick up where we'd left off, with Flashback Zombie Sam stalking past My Flashback Baboo to disappear into the night. Current Castiel's Voiceover tells us he finally travelled back up to Heaven, and so we zap up there as Current Castiel's Voiceover once again needlessly reminds us that "each soul generates its own Paradise."

Lately, Castiel's favorite spot within that vast network of isolated Paradises has been "the eternal Tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in a bathtub in 1953," and it's a pleasant-enough place -- an appropriately scenic springtime park filled with just-now-blooming crocuses and hyacinths -- and as the dead guy flies a kite, Flashback Castiel turns to address a group of his fellow angels, with that recently deceased Rachel person foremost amongst them. Flashback Rachel's all dewy-eyed and whispery with awe over Flashback Castiel's resurrection, and she immediately claims that God is responsible for it. Flashback Castiel happily corrects her, pointing out that Sam and Dean stopped The Apocalypse all on their own, and he almost joyfully announces, "No one leads us anymore -- we're all free to make our own choices, and to choose our own fates." This does nothing but confuse Flashback Rachel, who asks, "What does God want?" "God wants you to have freedom," Flashback Castiel assures her. "But what does He want us to do with it?" she wonders, triggering another voiceover from Current Castiel. "If I knew then what I know now," The Voiceover admits, "I might have said, 'It's simple: Freedom is a length of rope, and God wants you to hang yourself with it.'" Okay, now he's just starting to sound like a petulant teenager.

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