Ari tells Eric that Scott Wick is his best friend, idiot, and "Who's Scott Wick, asshole?" and he's the producer of the movie, you dumb fuck, and this should be pretty easy, don't you think, douchebag? and, "No, Eric, because what you don't know you little garlic-knot making motherfucker is that Wick hates Vince." See: they say a sentence? And then append an insult. Screenwriting is so fun and easy and you can do it in your own home. The energy here, though, is all escalating and awesome and it's great so I don't mind. Ari is all, I hope you enjoy breaking that to him, and Eric smiles and calls across the restaurant to Vince, "Hey Vince, the producer of the movie thinks you suck." And Vince grins and goes back to taking pictures with the little girls and it's hilarious.
Turtle and Drama were tied to a bike rack or something outside, or whatever, it's weird, and Fiona asks if she can hang out with them outside on the street while the actual people have a meeting inside. So fucking sad. Drama and Fiona are awesome as he offers her vegan self a bite of his street-vendor burger and even though it's rude they both know it's funny and she smiles at him endearingly. It's good. Turtle is on the phone arguing about something he already knows is true, the fact that we're all going to pretend that THERE'S NO POT ON THE ENTIRE WEST COAST. And it's funny because people keep saying this so unbelievingly no matter how many times it's explained, because it's just that unbelievable, that even the show doesn't believe it. Now that is a bad script. (Parenthetically speaking, I'm going to feel like a total tard when I find out that this actually happened two years ago and Shannen Doherty put her face through a concrete restaurant as a result.) Invisible Black Hack Tino is sending a recon team up to Humboldt County -- which is I guess in space now? Because there's NO POT ON THE WEST COAST is what I heard. Fiona tells the boys she's "got a sherpa" that grows all-natural marijuana with no herbicides or pesticides, blah blah blah. I love it when people say that, like how American Spirits will totally give you cancer because they're totally carcinogenic but there's less tar. As a smoker? I am not looking for the health benefits of cigarettes. I just want to look cool and smell great and have fun with the group indoors at restaurants and New York City bars. Drama's all, "Yeah, like we're going all the way to Everest to score weed from your sherpa." Wait, isn't Mount Everest on the West Coast? I heard there was NO POT. "Come on, guys, he doesn't live in Everest anymore," my italics again, and again, it's adorable but why talk about it? "He lives in Bel Air." Turtle takes this in and then says, "What the fuck's a sherpa?"
A goat? Is a sherpa a goat? Watch Zoolander, you classless piece of trash. We pull up to this huge folly of a house and there are goats in the yard. Goats! Always funny! Eyeballs sideways! Pot is so funny! And goats! "Even the carpet's made of hemp, it's cool," says Fiona. I like that she has a personality, even though I would fucking hate this girl in real life. But it's really a huge step, for this show, to have this girl with an independent existence of any kind whatsoever. I'm starting to like her and I'm not sure it's just on principle. The actor is a cutie too, she's funny. She has good comedic timing, especially with the bad dialogue she has to navigate. They all go into this huge weed garden with big bootie hos growing weed like some weird episode of Star Trek. Up walks fucking Val Kilmer, who you would find hard to recognize at first. I still wish this were David Duchovny because he's likeable. Val's got a lot of hair happening, like a big old hippie bullshit sherpa, and he hugs and oozes all over Fiona and calls her some bullshit "channeled name" and I pray to God and little tiny elves that this is not the rest of this episode with pot humor and funny high people and Val Kilmer, who I kind of hate anyway, with the elbow and the teeth and the sleaze, but I already have this feeling it is going to be. I don't judge, but I know that when you're not high, nothing about high people is funny. To me, anyway. Val calls Fiona an ancient wisdom giver and then sniffs her ancient armpit giver and then recognizes Drama as an ancient Viking Quest giver and Drama has to tell him it got cancelled seven years ago and then I think Dillon's trying to be "sad" but it looks like he's about to kiss Val Kilmer. Gay bomb, I'm telling you. It's a scorcher! Val's bummed out by this news, but I'm just happy for the VQ shout-out. He's got a lot of tics, Val Kilmer. Acting-wise, I mean. Turtle and Drama snap off a few leaves of pot and put them in their pockets.