House
The Socratic Method

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Pennies From Hell

Wilsensei asks House whether Cuddy pushed Bergen to finish the surgery. House says that she didn't say anything, and that she's playing mind games. Friedman appears out of the elevator and bitterly reproaches House for reporting him: "You're a real bastard, you know?" He leaves. I guess I should have been using Friedman's character's real name in all this, because from the expression on House's face, it's not going to be long before he confesses, "Luke, I am your father." You know it's going to happen. House tells Wilsensei that he doesn't think Friedman's mom is crazy.

House reads to Friedman's mom out of the book of Yeats's poems that Friedman left behind. He tells her that she called Social Services, and says he understands. He reminds her about her "look what I do to him" line, and says he checked the phone records from the room. Jeez, you could have started with that, House. He finishes, "You're his mother. You couldn't do it to him any more. Good for you."

Wilsensei and House limpeconference out of House's office as Wilsensei tells House that schizophrenics can make rational decisions. House says that's only true of the small stuff, and that the amount of self-sacrifice that went into this action excludes the diagnosis of schizophrenia. He points out that she got clearer when he took her off the psych meds. Wilsensei is surprised to see that they've ended up back at House's office. House: "I like to walk." Heh. He's just a mass of contradictions. Except for the rampant bitchiness -- that's pretty consistent.

House plays the piano. There's a stiff drink on top of it. Chase would not approve. He switches to "Happy Birthday." Seemingly having a sudden epiphany, he picks up Friedman's journal. He calls a doctor, who hangs up on him because it's late. He then pretends to be a doctor calling from London, and Hugh Laurie's Brit-playing-an-American-faking-a-British-accent is pretty genius. Stymied, he leaves...

...to hold late-night court with the Martins. He explains that Friedman's mom's only initial symptom before the supposed schizophrenia was a headache, which no doctor could really figure out. House asks what other problems present with psych symptoms. Cameron FINALLY makes herself useful by mentioning a genetic condition wherein the body accumulates too much copper. Chase calls it as "Wilson's disease." I thought Wilson's disease caused people to follow hot Englishmen around at the expense of their jobs, but I'm not a doctor. ["Oh my God, my family doctor thought I had that last year! I didn't, but it took two 24-hour urine collections to rule it out. (I realize you didn't ask, but aren't you glad you know?" -- Wing Chun] House likes the diagnosis. Foreman complains that if any of them did this, he'd fire them. Dude, if none of you have been fired yet, I think you're safer than a tenured professor at a state university. Foreman clarifies that House is hoping instead of questioning. House reveals that Friedman's mom made an appointment with an ophthalmologist before she took up residence in Crazyland, and Cameron notes that Wilson's presents with cataracts. House agrees: "It also causes slight cirrhosis, which Doctor Chase so eagerly attributed to alcohol." He asks what they're still doing there. Seriously -- get this bitch cured so we can go have a drink!

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House

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