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The Replacements

Anonymous classroom. Holly, dressed in period garb, is teaching a class: "Mary Todd Lincoln in the house! My husband was probably gay, and I'm bipolar, which makes me yell things like 'that teapot's spreading lies about me,' or 'that can't be my baby because I don't love it.'" Will saves the kids from this insanity by knocking on the door. On her way to talk to him, she tells the kids to practice their bipolar rants. Will's there to ask her for help modernizing "Singing in the Rain."

And then we cut to a mash-up of "Singing in the Rain" and Rihanna's "Umbrella." Complete with rain pouring down and a flooded stage. I know most people hated this, but I enjoyed it well enough. The choreography was great, the singing was great, and the two songs obviously work well together thematically. I do have to say, it's not really fair to put Gwyneth on stage in tight wet pants with all those tiny little girls (and Mercedes), but she still looks pretty smoking. Whatever she's doing is giving her a great ass. Also, if the purpose of this is to try out a song for Sectionals, why are the two teachers singing the lead parts? What about you, Gustave? Any last words? [Gwyneth still looks great. The hair is perfect and I love her outfits. But there's an anxiety in her eyes that is unsettling. It's like she's desperate to be a high school teacher who never really has control of their class. Also, Bea Arthur played a substitute teacher on the Golden Girls. - Gustave] Okay then.

LTG is a full-time pension lawyer living in Washington, D.C., and a part-time stalker of Gwyneth Paltrow's personal shopper. You can reach him at

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