The Two

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
Mr. Sandman, bring me a clue

And bring the wigs out she does. In some random bathroom somewhere, Syd strips and changes into a bright red dress, complete with matching red flippy wig. Oh, and we get a good glimpse of her scar, which is about three inches to the right of her belly button and measures about three inches in length. I measured with my fingers. Really. Wait. Why are you walking away? Come back!

The next shot we see is of Syd performing the Bristow Swagger down some stairs. She gets into a hot red car (which I thought was a Lamborghini but, as a poster pointed out, is actually a Ferrari -- my bad) and peels out. Um. Is she DRIVING to Prague? As she drives off down a watery street, we see a river of sorts in the distance. I guess she's already in Prague. Wow. Enemies of state get to go absolutely EVERYWHERE.

And more commercials. See Lost in Translation. Don't argue. Just see it. I already loved Bill Murray, but this movie made me fall in love with him all over again. And Scarlett Johansson is my new girl crush.

As the Blue Men Group and Venus Hum perform their version of Donna Summer's "I Feel Love," Syd Bristow Swaggers down a wet alley. She stops as a car comes driving toward her. The car stops for no reason, and Volkov leers at Syd from the passenger seat. Syd returns the leer and then whips out a gun and shoots the car, which, of course, explodes. Yeah. Because one bullet usually has that effect on SEDANS. I don't know. Maybe it was a grenade launcher in the form of a gun or something. Or…um…maybe cars are just really easy to blow up in Prague. Whatever. Moving on.

Volkov jumps free of the car, and we assume he's dead. Syd saunters over and searches his pockets for the chip. She easily finds it in his right pocket and starts to handcuff him, but Volkov has a surprise for her. Not unlike Syd, Volkov wasn't so much "dead" as "asleep." They quickly fight, and he just as quickly gains the upper hand and pulls out his ever-present stiletto. He has her in a headlock and is probably about to kill her, but like all sadistic Russian assassins, he must take a moment and LICK HER HAIR. Good god. As "bad guy signifiers" go, that one's about as clichéd as wearing sunglasses indoors at night. Syd sees her chance and takes it, hooking his handcuffed wrist to his belt buckle. With only one hand free, he's easy to nail, and Syd quickly knocks him to the wall, where he's immediately impaled upon his own knife. Once again, Syd is free of the blame of actually KILLING someone. Behold, the power of the wig. As Volkov slides down the wall, Syd walks away and gets into her car, squealing off in a cloud of useless costumes and errant wig hair.

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