The Two

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admin: B- | Grade It Now!
Mr. Sandman, bring me a clue

Head's all, oh, yeah, because I'm all about doing you favors right about now. Actually, he says some shit about not doing her father any favors, which, um, really wasn't what she asked, Chrome Dome. But he declares that, since it's not her fault that Jack's her father, he can see no reason why she shouldn't be allowed one visit with him. Damn. What'd Jack do after all? Attack a country on the basis of false intel and then claim he was doing it, you know, just in case they kind of sort of might have had weapons of mass destruction? Because that would be BAD.

Prison of Wayward Daddies and Their Beards of Distraction. Syd's waiting at a table for her father. Jack enters on the opposite side of some Plexiglas and, dudes. The beard. THE BEARD. I can only harken back to Wing Chun's excellent recap of "The Passage, Part Two" by saying that the beard? It stands alone. It is taking over the scene, this beard. It has entered the room far ahead of Victor Garber and it is leaping forth to populate the earth with its beard-ness. It has a submachine gun and possibly a 1938 German tank hidden somewhere in its depths, does this beard. It's a distinct possibility that this beard has its own passport and secret identity and is hatching a dark and disturbing plan to take over the world's barber shops and turn them into tofu distribution warehouses. It is wrong, this beard. And it must be stopped.

Syd approaches the glass, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. Spy Daddy and Fidel Beardstro approach the glass as well. "Sweetheart," he says. "You look so beautiful." Oh. Oh, no. I'm making fun of The Beard, and Victor Garber's acting his subtle ass off. I should be punished. Julio?! Get the whip. No, not for you! Stop cringing! Mommy's being mean to one of the talented actors and she must suffer. Ow! That hurt! Ow. You didn't hit me yet? Um. Put the whip away, Julio. And just get Mommy a drink that's rather, um, spiky. That'll be pain enough.

Syd tells Jack that she heard he'd been arrested for resisting authority. Turns out he became obsessed with Syd's death and with finding those responsible. At a certain point, he needed help, so he turned to the one person he knew he could trust in that situation. Osama Bin Laden. I mean, hey, they both have the same facial hair, right? RIGHT? Okay, no. He turned to Spy Mommy. Unfortunately, at the time he turned to her, she was number six on the CIA's most wanted list. Oh, I'll say she's most wanted, all right. But not just by the CIA. Wait. I think I might have turned just a little bit lesbian right there. Hmmm…

So, um, right. Mr. Head got all uppity with Jack, threatening him and questioning Jack's allegiance to the country. He wound up making an example of Jack as some sort of NSC power play. So, yes, Mr. Head is now officially a Government Goon. Much like Kendall, but with far less oomph. Spy Daddy brings up Syd's recent Paris flashback. Syd hits a button on her watch, activating the anti-eavesdrop device she got from Marshall. She has ninety seconds to talk to her daddy off the record.

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