Ed
Things To Do Today

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Uncle Bob's To Do List

Evil Cheating Jim shows up at the bowling alley to get his bowling tools and slink out of there on his belly. He tells Ed that he spoke with Molly, and Ed says he already knows that. Evil Cheating Jim informs Ed that he knows he's not the most popular polygamist in Stuckeyville right now, but that he's sorry. Ed blows his top and asks Evil Cheating Jim if that's supposed to make everything okay. He adds that Evil Cheating Jim has been feeding Molly a load of chunky bullshit ever since he slithered into the bowling alley and into her heart. Ed then reminds Evil Cheating Jim that his main problem is wanting both a wife and a mistress. Evil Cheating Jim says that's not true; all he wants is Molly. His marriage has been over for the last four years, but they've stayed together because that's what you do when the marriage is over: you stay together longer than you should have (preach brother...PREACH!!). Evil Cheating Jim says that he loves Molly and that her shining smile has taught him just how unhappy he was with his wife. Ed asks what he's going to do, and Evil Cheating Jim says he's going to get Molly back. He doesn't know how yet...but dammit all to hell, he's going to be handling those surgically-reduced breasts again someday.

Ed's locking up the bowling alley when he sees Fraulein Nutjob walk up. Jennifer apologizes for making out with a total stranger on the street earlier in the day just because he had facial hair. In a really sarcastic tone, Ed says that no apologies are needed, and that she is who she is. Jennifer tells him not to be mean, because it doesn't suit him. Ed tells her that she has dedicated herself to finding new roads in life each day, but that she only finds them and never goes down them all the way. She says it's because she's been down a lot of bad roads before. Ed says that none of those trips down bad roads were with him. Okay...I'm about a burp away from puking my ever-loving guts up at this smarmy romantic crap. Did I just stumble into a bad Renée Zellweger movie? This has got to be the most trite bullshit ever uttered on the show thus far. God...it gets worse...Jennifer doesn't want to "let [him] go,"and says that instead of finding new roads to go down, she's just going to go down one: Edward J. Stevens Avenue.

...And that's when it happened. I hurled all over myself from this sickly sweet sapfest of a show.

In the next scene, Jennifer's falling backward on a bed with Ed resting on top of her. Their kissing has now graduated into the type of kisses normally shared by a teacher and her principal. Ed tells Jennifer that he has his own personal ten-item "to do" list, and that he's going to be conducting it all night long. Jennifer says she'll be counting. Ed slowly moves down her body and out of camera range since he's about to go grab lunch at the Y. Jennifer writhes in ecstasy. I belch, and then another wave of Chunky Esophagus Soup comes up as I force myself to watch this pablum.

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Ed

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