Episode Report Cardadmin: C- | 3 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Picard logs more about the Unimportant To This Episode Mission. He notes that Data's condition is unchanged and they still don't know what's ailing the poor chappie. We get an up-close and personal view of The Game's playing field. Then, we get a up-close and personal view of Mother Crusher having dozens of little orgasms. Wesley walks in. Can the woman not control herself? "Mom?" Wesley asks. "What are you doing?" "Wesley!" Mother Crusher gasps and breathes hard, "I'm embarrassed to say --" You should be! "This was meant for you," Mother Crusher says, holding up the headset, "but it was so much fun I couldn't resist." Yeah, you couldn't resist so much that now you need ANOTHER change of panties! Mother Crusher tries to entice her son to play the sex game but he's off to play a sex game of his own. He needs to get ready for his date with Lefler. Mother Crusher suggests, "Why don't you invite her here -- we can all play the game together. I can replicate a couple more." That is so many levels of gross, I can't even begin to drink enough to get over it. But I can try. "Mo-om," Wesley says with perfect teenage angst. Mother Crusher seems to back away. Until she tries to force the headpiece on Wesley's head. Freak. Wesley holds her hands away and says he really needs to get ready. Mother Crusher finally backs off and tells him to have a good time. Wesley turns back to his closet and looks puzzled. You want to know something disturbing that I just thought of? Well, tough, you're going to hear it anyway -- given that Mother Crusher is the ship's doctor, she probably gives every new crewmember a full physical when they come on board. Basically, if she wanted to, she could hurl stuff at Wesley if she didn't like his girlfriends. "You know she's not a virgin!" Or "You know she's got herpes!" or "You know those are fake, right?" Ten Forward. Ensign Geeks in their civvies. Lefler tells the story of her life: absentee super-geek parents, lots of travel, and general army brattiness. "I spent all of my time around technical equipment -- my first friend was a tricorder." Did you call it "Mr. Tricorder"? Wesley grins, "Really -- my very first friend was a warp coil." NERDS! No, seriously -- Wesley was actually in pre-school, wasn't he? So was he just SO brilliant that he ignored all the other kids in favor of cuddling up to the warp coil when he was presumably too young to be allowed into Engineering? Lefler says that since her parents didn't have time for her when she needed them, she came up with her first law: you can only count on yourself. Wesley thinks that sounds lonely, but brightens up with, "But now you're here!" Lefler agrees and tells Wesley how Geordi and all the others in Engineering are, like, totally into this rad new game. Lefler hasn't played it yet. Wesley squints his eyes thoughtfully and says his mom has one and is acting psycho over it. "It's everywhere," Lefler notes. They look over at a fellow Ten Forward diner, who is slumped unseeingly in her chair, making the ugliest sex faces known to man. Wesley thinks the whole thing is weird. "It's just a fad," Lefler says airily, "it's here this week, next week we won't even know it existed." Wesley wonders how it works. "Why don't you try it and find out," Lefler says, daringly. Wesley, the geek, blinks earnestly: "I'd like to know a little more about it before I try it." Yes, don't take drugs, kids. Stay in school. "I'll bet if we work together we could figure it out," Lefler muses. "Yeah!" Wesley jumps up excitedly. "We could hook it up to one of the computers! The medical programs in the lab can be set up to emulate human responses!" "I notice it uses a visual interface, we could connect it through an optical sensor!" Lefler says. Man, geeks on dates -- I weep for our future.