To Thine Own Self Be True

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To Thine Own Self Be True

Derrick, Martha, and Creepy Cult Kid (CCK) sneak into the house. Derrick and Martha are playing some game where they pretend to be British detectives, but CCK just wants to watch TV, because he's not allowed to watch it at home. CCK concludes by creepily threatening his little sister if she tells their mother about the television viewing. Well, that explains why he's so creepy. He's not allowed to watch television! That's just un-American. Derrick ignores CCK and tries to continue the detective game. CCK opens Johnny's closet and peeks inside. Derrick doesn't think they should be snooping, but CCK spots a metal box on the shelf and pulls it down, spilling the contents in the process. The kids scramble to put everything back, and CCK snatches up a Polaroid and drools on it, and then refuses to hand it over when Derrick asks. Martha checks it out and says that it's Ava. Derrick grabs it away and tries to look flabbergasted, but succeeds only in looking like he's got a case of the runs and doesn't know where to find the nearest toilet. CCK says that Ava is hot, and Derrick shoves the picture back into the box, angrily insisting that no one can look at it. Ava calls out that she needs Derrick's help with the laundry. Derrick tells CCK to put the box back, like, how dumb is Derrick that he thinks that's going to happen? Derrick and Martha run out of the room, and of course CCK pockets the nudie photo of Ava before following. He also leaves the boxes on the floor, like, wouldn't Johnny notice that someone had been in his closet?

Bradin surfs, and a cute girl (not Sarah) in a wetsuit watches. When Bradin reaches the shore, the cute girl's male friend encourages her to go talk to Bradin, so she does. Bradin looks around for Sarah as the cute girl nervously asks Bradin a question about his surfing technique. Bradin rudely dismisses her question and asks how she even knows who he is, like it's not a small beach and people don't talk. He's kind of a dick. The cute girl asks if he will notify her next of kin if she dies of embarrassment, but before Bradin can answer rudely, Sarah tackles him. The cute girl walks away as Sarah and Bradin kiss. At least the cute girl has her male friend to console her. Bradin and Sarah stop kissing for a second, and she invites him to meet her in Spanish Cove the next night. Spanish Cove is the Inspiration Point of this show, so you know what she's thinking about. Sarah runs off and leaves Bradin there with his boner.

Bradin has an extremely manly talk with Jay and Johnny while they lift weights. Bradin explains that Sarah is a big whore, and that he's worried that he won't measure up to her previous conquests. Jay says that sex is the same everywhere, even Kansas. Bradin stammers that he never had sex in Kansas. Jay says that he's jealous of Bradin, and Bradin is ashamed that he's seventeen and still a virgin. Nice message to send, allegedly family-friendly television show. I mean, either be all 7th Heaven-y with the morality and the messages, or don't, but you can't have it both ways. Jay explains that he doesn't even remember his first time, because he was drunk, and he regrets it. Jay starts in on a philosophical discourse on sex, but he cuts it short when Ava walks out. Ava offers to get Bradin enrolled in a lifeguard training course. Bradin politely declines, and says that he might do it next week when it cools down (Heat Index 5). Ava asks what Bradin has planned, and Bradin, Jay, and Johnny all look shifty-eyed and say that they don't have anything planned. So either Ava is an idiot, or she's not buying it. Once Ava is gone, Johnny tells Bradin to be responsible. Bradin assures him that he has a condom. Jay and Johnny are like, "One?" Johnny pulls Bradin into his room and offers up some more condoms. Bradin looks unsure. Way to assume that he's ready for sex, or even wants to do it, talk to him about other consequences besides pregnancy, or make sure he knows how to use a condom in the first place, or anything. Bradin looks terrified, and Johnny and Jay are all doing chest bumps and high-fiving him.

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