And yet, he's still there the next day. He announces that he's taking a walk, and feels compelled to tell everyone that he's making this announcement so that Sandra won't accuse him of disappearing again. Way to start the day off right by being a whiny baby, Douche. Tyson recaps the events of last night, describing it as Douche threatening to leave the game because it "didn't deserve his nobility." Hee hee hee. As Douche walks into the woods, looking as sad as possible so that everyone will know that he's been wronged, Tyson tells the group all about Douche's sobfest last night. Rob interviews that Douche cried and wants to quit. "That's not much of a coach if you ask me," he shrugs. Ahahahaha! But then Rob feels compelled to talk to Douche about it, looking fairly uncomfortable at the prospect of having to talk about his feelings with another guy. Douche says he feels like an outsider in his tribe. Rob assures him that he isn't, then gives him a manly fist pump, handshake, and hug to seal the deal. Douche says he wants to "do stuff" and "bond" with Rob, because he seems to think he's at summer camp and not, you know, competing against everyone for one million dollars. Rob tells him to trust him, "pick [his] fucking head up, and act like a man. For real." Then he runs away before Douche can try to hug him again or cry on his shoulder or something.
Feeling better now, Douche informs us that he's "different than most people" and "one of a kind." I agree with this, if not the examples he then cites: "last of the Mohicans. King Arthur. Legend." I was thinking more along the lines of "Bozo the Clown. The Court Jester. Douche." With that, he quotes Confucius (correctly, too, just like he correctly -- if inappropriately -- quoted Martin Luther King, Jr. Did he bring Bartlett's as his luxury item or something? Because I have a photographic memory and I can't even recite quotations word-for-word like that. Just parts of Shakespeare and the last two lines of "Richard Corey.") and does his Warrior Poses while telling us that though he was weak last night, that weakness is actually a strength, as we will see in the coming challenge, in which he promises "even fiercer warriorage." Perhaps he should have spent more time reading a dictionary and less memorizing quotations. Meanwhile, the editors have fun putting special effects on him as he moves so it looks his arms are leaving trails. Or maybe I'm just tripping.
I was hoping this was leading us to a Reward Challenge, but instead we check in on the stupid boring Heroes, who read today's Treemail. "Read it. Read it," Rupert orders Amanda, since he can't read it himself because he's illiterate and also, the broken toe. The tribe gets a catalog from Mervyns that they get to pick two items from to win at the reward challenge. The catalog contains such useful survival tools as a couch and an inflatable bed. They go for a cooking set and a fishing kit, thus ignoring the additional product placement STANLEY tools. Amanda claims that her tribe is now united and working together beautifully after their last win, even though it looked to me like James basically stood there and pointed to the items they were going for without consulting anyone else. Amanda says she doesn't want the Villains to win the reward, although it's not because she wants stuff from Mervyns, but because she doesn't want her tribe to lose momentum. Ha! Screw you, Mervyns!