Top Secret

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pissed Off

House goes to work and finds Foreman and Chase sacked out on the couch, this time for reals. He says he had a great night, but that he's guessing the patient didn't, what with the plunging BP and all. Sure enough, Foreman confirms that it did. How come House gets to have prophetic dreams, and all I ever dream about are giant spiders trying to eat me? It's really not fair.

While the Cottages look on in amazement, House looks up Sgt. John's nose and finds what he was expecting: no nose hairs, and cauterization scars from a procedure done to stop his childhood nosebleeds. The same nosebleeds his grandfather had. Because Sgt. John has hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia. And no one thought anything of those nosebleeds, even though they were such a problem that they burned Sgt. John's nose to stop them?! House explains that HHT is a genetic disorder where some blood vessels are formed without the capillaries that connect the artery to vein. This causes them to merge and make an arteriovenous malformation (a.k.a. AVM, a.k.a. DNR, a.k.a. NARM), as the Magic Schoolbus Cam half-heartedly tries to show us. An AVM in Sgt. John's spine caused the paralysis, and an AVM in his lungs caused his blood not to be properly filtered, causing the joint pain, fatigue, and infections, which, by the way, still haven't cleared up. The slimy mouth is so gross. House says that Sgt. John will be just fine "after a few surgeries," scolds him for not telling them about his childhood nosebleeds, and leaves the room.

House may or may not be peeing in the urinal; it's impossible to tell. Wilson enters and notes that House is actually peeing, like, keep your eyes to yourself, Wilson. House ascribes his open peeway to the catheter, saying that it's not all that painful "after the first nine or ten inches." Like Wilson hasn't seen House's penis before. Like he isn't staring at it right now. The catheter relieved the spasm that was keeping things closed up, and now House is "as good as new." His sheets beg to differ. Wilson thinks House might want to be worried about this side effect of his Vicodin usage. House claims he isn't, but we did see him looking all sad in the mirror before, so we know that's not totally true. House adds that it was Vicodin that allowed House to sleep and dream and solve his case. At least, it solved one of them -- House says he got his other answer "in the shower." Hey, can't wait for next season when House has trouble pooping and we get to watch every detail of his attempts to treat it!

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