Truth Be Told

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It Was Just My Machinations Runnin' Away With Me

Last week on Survivor, Tom vomited; Ethan admitted his fears about vomiting; and Lex Loser's machinations made me want to vomit. Tom believed that wildebeests were both crazier and uglier than he is, and then Kimp got voted off.

Five are left at Mofo Maji on Day 34. The immunity dog collar rests in its now normal place around the neck of the tribe's skull mascot. Ethan tells us there are five people left in Africa. By this, he means there are five people left playing the game of Survivor in Africa, but we know that most of those affiliated with producing this show only care about these five people and the ad revenue created by their appeal...or lack thereof. As we see footage of a three-way handshake between the male members of the Boran alliance, Ethan explains that they started the game with sixteen people, and are now down to five; he thinks it's amazing. I think it's simple math. As the S5 sit around the boma, Teresa walks over; she wants to know how the others are doing, and they want to know the same of her. There must be some really boring stuff going down at Mofo Maji if this utterly meaningless exchange is worth including in the episode. Kimj tells us in a confessional that everything the competitors do now is a huge effort. She explains that she and the other players have started talking in terms of when they're going home and how many days are left; she says the game has taken its toll on their bodies. There wasn't much toll to be taken in Kimj's case, though. The S5 sit around and talk over each other about their deteriorating bodies. Ethan complains, "Every night my arm is going to sleep," and Tom ups the ante: "My whole damn arm!" Lex Loser says his ass is falling asleep, and Tom -- flexing and unflexing his hand -- repeats that his arm is falling asleep, and stares at the appendage in disbelief. In a confessional, Lex Loser tells us that he never thought Survivor would be so hard -- "physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally" -- and now that they're so close to the end of the game, he's exhausted. He says that up until recently, he tried not to think about his kids and his wife. We see him counting gourds and are supposed to think that he's counting them to distract himself from thoughts of his two sons -- even the shifty one -- and his wife. He then concludes that he can't allow himself to give in to "any of that" until the game is finished.

As the tribe heads off on a water run, everyone is carrying something, except Kimj. Kimj gives physically fit fifty-seven-year-olds everywhere a bad name. Lex Loser announces that "you can't afford, out here, to be a sissy." He says you can just ask Brandon to confirm it. Or Clarence. Actually, he doesn't say either of those things. But he could have. He then changes the subject and tells us, "It has been pretty funny that we take our drinking water basically out of an elephant's toilet." As the S5 approach the spring, we see a pile of elephant dung in the middle of the small water pond. I'm guessing we're not supposed to see the gushing river -- most likely piped in by the kind people at Evian -- in the background. Lex Loser tells the others, "We got an elephant disrespecting our spring." Kimj thinks it's disgusting. Lex Loser points out that the elephant poop is right where they do their laundry; he's upset that the elephant could have picked anywhere else, but didn't. He continues, "He might as well just have put his butt right over the spring!" Ethan calls it "a monster of a turd" that is "already covered in gnats"; the members of Mofo Maji circle around the pile of crap and stare at it. A close-up shot of the elephant dung reveals that it is full of little sticks and positively swarming with insects. Nasty. Kimj jokes to the others that the water hole is indeed as relaxing a location as ever. In a confessional she tells us that the tribe loves this spot, "and today [they] were visited by someone just prior to [their] getting here that left [them] a big giant gift." Seriously -- she probably thinks it makes a good facial mask. A gong clangs as the camera closes up on the poop again and Kimj proclaims it "very fresh, very smelly, very large." She claims, "We're getting used to it."

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