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Think Unsexy Thoughts

The girls then proceed to go up to some other boys of the dorky-looking variety to invite them over for sexual treats. Clark walks past them to go to talk to...his mother? Oh, mah gawd. "She was cute," MamaKent says, helping the situation out not one iota. Which one did she mean? Clark asks the same question. "Both!" MamaKent says. You know, that one "both" of them girl. She asks if Clark is going to ask one of them out. Aw, geez, mom. Clark sarcastically says that he will so that he can ruin it by having to lie about who he is. It's a blowjob, Clark, not common-law marriage. I don't think you even have to fill out any paperwork for one of those. ["Depends on the state." -- Wing Chun] Clark mentions Lana. MamaKent leans in and tells Clark that there's someone "out there" for him. Why not in there? Half the town is in the coffee shop. "Who?" Clark asks. Sure, why not ask your mom. Clark adds that a girl would have to be crazy to get mixed up with him. MamaKent makes a face. Clark makes a face. It takes up ten seconds of tape.

Did Clark say "crazy"? Why, we've got plenty of that here! A set of black pants and black shoes march down a badly lit hallway while two sets of white pants/white shoes follow. Then we get the back view. A guy with long hair and a beard, and who I momentarily confuse with Papa Luthor ("What? He grew his hair back? The fuuuuuck!?") is wearing a lab coat and walking very briskly. He's got two guards behind him on either side. One of the thugs -- who really should watch how he addresses his superior -- says he can't believe they're going to let a psycho free. "That is what generally happens when a patient is cured," Walking Brisk says. They come upon a glass-doored large room. Holy Peter Horton! This guy's got a serious beard/long hair combo going. He doesn't look like a psych ward doctor so much as the guy who wears a crispy white shirt and ponytail and tries to act like he knows shit about wine that comes in five-gallon jugs when he's taking your order at the Macaroni Grill. He turns on a switch, and a single spot shines down on a girl sitting perfectly in the circle of light. God, I wish I knew some Cabaret lyrics to reference right now. "Alicia," Evil Peter Horton says. "It's time. Oh, SNAP! It's KentFan from "Obsession"! She turns to look at Peter Horton. "Hey, weren't you in that shitty IMAX dinosaur movie, too?" she thinks. Dramatic music plays. We cut to opening credits.

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