Smallville
Unsafe

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Think Unsexy Thoughts

We're on a generic college campus, watching a very dowdy-looking Lana Lang climbing some stairs. And I'm not just saying that because she's useless. Oh, you got me. That is why I'm saying it. As she climbs up those stairs, we see a sign for "Central Kansas A&M." They have an awesome Master's program in fertilizer. She sees her estranged boyfriend Jason. "What are you doing here?" he asks, keeping his hands firmly in his jacket pockets. Lana sighs and says it's nice to see him, too. But he didn't say -- oooohhhh. Sarcasm. Jason says he didn't expect to see her on campus. Lana says she didn't expect him to say he needed more space and walk out on her. Ooh! It's like she takes what he says and twists it around to make a point. She's practically Voltaire! Jason squints into the distance. Somewhere on campus, a professor just got sucked under a tractor. Lana asks what's really going on here. I do this every week, so please allow me: absolutely fucking nothing. Jason says he just doesn't think Lana is ready for a relationship "like that." Like...what? Lana is confused. Jason asks if she wants to talk about this now. No, she just drove up here for the asparagus seminar series. He says he has to go. Lana scoffs, Napoleon Dynamite-style: "GAW!" The sun shines right at the camera. Ow. Lana is left to sulk in her long white coat. I'm glad we got that crane shot there, because it really makes me feel Lana's isolation. Good show, there, crane-operator dude.

An ice rink, shot from above. Someone is twirling, twirling, twirling. The ice skater twirls off screen as the camera comes down to ice level. Kids in helmets skate around recklessly as Clark Kent clumsily tries to keep his balance on skates while strummy, "MmmBop"-like crap-rock engulfs the rink. KentFan skates up behind Clark and loudly says, "Superpowers can't save you now, Clark Kent." She spins and skates backward as Clark says, "I'm good, I'm good." Are you really, Clark? He skates forward a bit and catches up with her as she holds out her hands. She skates back next to him and advises him to bend his knees and glide. KentFan, in her fluffy white coat, says she's glad Clark called her; she didn't think he would after their last date. Clark says she was sick then. He understands. KentFan says she doesn't. She remembers feeling angry and alone, but now it's like watching a movie that wasn't really her. I'm going to just say it: I like KentFan's character. She has tons more chemistry with Clark than Lana ever did, and to some degree, more than Lois has. (Not more than Chloe, but that's a whole other issue.) So, I know things go awry here later, but I think the actress playing her does a great job and makes KentFan both appealing and sad. So, kudos. Clark says maybe that wasn't her: "Maybe this is the real you." She blushes at that. Clark takes a tumble on his ass and pulls KentFan down on top of him. She laughs. The two of them hug on the ice. "Good thing you've got buns of steel," she says. Clark smiles and touches her face. KentFan looks up and sees creepy-ass Evil Peter Horton staring down toward the rink. She tells Clark that she's turning into a Popsicle. She gets up and helps pull him upright. Clark says he does have heat vision. KentFan says she'd settle for hot chocolate. She excuses herself to freshen up. Clark watches her go.

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Smallville

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