Smallville
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The Marshall Mouthers Episode

Suddenly, we're outside on a cool, cloudy Vancouver...ahem, "Kansas" afternoon. There's some kind of huge Rube Goldberg-looking contraption that towers about the short trees next to it. It looks like the world's deadliest water slide. "Wow, you built this?" we hear Clark marvel. Marshall says it's his transmission tower. It's made of tubing and toilet seats, wire and scaffolding. Marshall says the way it works is, see, he stands on it, right? And then his parents come. And then they take him home, ya know? YAY! It's so obvious! Why didn't Clark build one of these? Marshall frets that he's supposed to send a signal tomorrow night, but he's got no transmitter. Well what's this tower-looking thing, then? Marshall says the transmitter was confiscated by Principal Asskick. Asskick desperately wants to return to his home planet, Asskickayoo. Marshall says that there's no time to build another and the "conditions" for his departure occur only every two hundred years. Like getting a good direct flight on Southwest Airlines. Marshall says that if he doesn't get the contraption back, he'll never get home. He asks Clark for help. Because Clark is so great with the electronics. Hope your parents know how to decode transmissions sent in orange.

The break-in! So exciting! Clark and Marshall are busting into the trophy case! Take some baseball trophies while you're there! Marshall's ball of telecom is sitting in there, its lights blinking. Unfortunately, the innards got messed up, and now ALF's relatives are on their way. "Hey, Willie! HA!" the message reads. Clark and Marshall take the fool thing, and thus ends the great school break-in.

Clark and Marshall are so clever and sneaky that they walk right out the front door and onto the street, where anyone can see them. And that someone is a shiny red truck with about a hundred lights on it. Then another truck pulls up. It's bullies! Bullies drive trucks. Evil Breckin threatens Clark and his little buddy. Marshall says that if they're not left alone, the bullies are going to regret it. Breckin knows Marshall faked the earlier fire. Uh oh. Blaine-busted! Another bully says, "We're going to kick your ass!" Mercy! These guys have got chains and letterman jackets. Marshall whines at them to leave him alone. Clark gets a shady glint in his eye, but it's actually just heat-vision. He sends a warning bolt over the bullies' shoulders and sets a blue truck exploding. Hey, this was the scene they were shooting when I was in Vancouver, I think! The car's now truly a part of the show with its spectacular flaming. The bullies run, which of course they always do at the first sign of trouble. The bullies pile into the red truck and take off. Clark congratulates Marshall for "doing it." Marshall knows it was Clark. "That's crazy," Clark says. Marshall's not that dumb. He figures out why Clark believes him. "You're an alien, too," Marshall says. This scene ends like practically every one in the episode: with a close-up of Clark. I think his face if fine, too, but I don't end every paragraph with it. In fact, um, how about that Lex!

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