War Stories

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 5 USERS: D
Girl-on-girl action! Woooo!

Zoe and Wash start heading toward the shuttle, fully armed. She gives him combat advice as they turn the corner to discover Book, Simon, and Kaylee fiddling with guns. They insist that they're helping. Kaylee: "If it was any one of us, the captain wouldn't hesitate." Except for that one time he abandoned River and Simon to the crazy hill people. But then he pulled off a last-minute rescue, so I guess that makes everything okay. Zoe asks Book if there aren't specific rules in the Bible against him killing people. Book responds, "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps." Okay, then. An eye for an eye; an ear for a kneecap. Zoe starts to respond to them, but then they hear the telltale sound of Vera cocking. They look up and see Jayne standing on a catwalk above them, ready to go. Like he'd miss out on the chance to shoot his gun off. Zoe says, "Let's go get the captain."

Cut to Niska's dungeon. Mal leans against his bonds, apparently unconscious. A skinhead prods him a little bit. Then he tells Niska, "Yup. He's dead." This is what safe words are for, guys. You really should take one of those classes on safe BDSM they have every other Saturday night at the gay community center.

Commercials. When we return, evil Niska denies the show more dramatic tension by immediately reviving Mal with a defibrillator. Mal slowly regains consciousness as Niska tells him that he died. Mal responds, "Seemed like the thing to do." Niska Badenovs that if Mal dies, he can't hurt him anymore, and he wants to hurt Mal for at least two days before he jitters off this mortal coil. Niska blathers on, explaining again how Mal's betrayal hurt his reputation. It's a little too late to explain why you're doing this now. We've figured it out. He nods over to his skinhead, who approaches Mal with a set of pliers.

Back on the bridge of Serenity, Wash spits out a bunch of technobabble to Jayne which essentially means that they're some how disguising themselves so that they show up on the space station monitors as radar static. Basically, they've aimed themselves in the direction of a station airlock, hit the thrusters, then powered everything down. Zoe compares it to throwing a dart at a board six thousand miles away. She praises Wash for his work, and they give each other lovey-dovey looks before preparing to go kill people.

Down in the cargo bay, which is dark due to the power shutdown, the others are prepping for the assault. Book is doing something to the ship's ATV. Zoe and Jayne come down to join them. Kaylee technobabbles that she's rigged something up that will pop open the airlock's doors for them. Simon once again is stuck holding the flashlight as his contribution. Everybody's all prepped. Wash comes down to join them as the lights come back on. Didn't they need those to stay off? Anyway, as they're about to dock, Zoe tells them to shoot anything that moves. Kaylee reminds, "Except the captain." Well, I don't think he's going to be moving so much.

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