War Stories

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 5 USERS: D
Girl-on-girl action! Woooo!

We cut to the ship silently slamming into the docking lock. As planned, the security skinhead doesn't realize that there's a ship approaching until right as it arrives. Kaylee's hacking succeeds in opening the airlock. The guard immediately hits an alarm.

Niska notes the sound of the alarm in his quarters. Mal hears it, too, and breathily quips, "Listen, if you've got guests, I can come back later."

Back at the beachhead, or space-stationhead, or whatever, a set of doors leading to the ship slide open. Several guards show up there with guns. They look for somebody to shoot at, but there's nothing. Then the ATV suddenly zooms out of the cargo bay and crashes into them all and explodes. Book had been rigging it with flammable canisters and such. After those men catch fire, Jayne, Zoe, and Wash run out and start shooting. People get hit and go down. Zoe throws grenades. Naughty skinheads die. Zoe calls out the second team -- that's Book, Simon, and Kaylee. She orders them to hold this position; otherwise, they'll all be trapped. She asks if they understand. Book responds by shooting an approaching guard in the knee. I think they understand. Simon tries to look butch holding his gun, but since River isn't in immediate danger, it doesn't work. Zoe, Jayne, and Wash head down a corridor, shooting guards along the way.

Back in the dungeon, a frustrated Niska heads over to a monitor to find out what's going on. Both he and the skinhead turn their backs on Mal. Niska can't seem to get any response from his guard, who probably can't talk with a giant hole in his lung. Suddenly there's a whirring sound, and the skinhead shrieks. Mal has managed to get to his feet and attach Niska's torture toy to the guy's back. Niska is suddenly a lot less threatening without his guards. I guess he only knows how to use a knife on bound prisoners. Mal backhands Niska, and he goes down. Mal menaces, "I guess business ain't so much runnin' as crawlin' away. You wanna see the real me now?" If it will stop that running theme, please show us the real you. Thanks.

Elsewhere on the station, Jayne gets shot. Ouch. It looks like Simon's going to have plenty of torsos to fondle. It hurts, but it's apparently not a life-threatening wound. Zoe tumbles into a hallway to take the point from Jayne as he recovers and shoots some more guys. They continue down the corridor.

Back at the ship, Book, Kaylee, and Simon continue protecting the docking bay. They're having problems with assaults coming from two different corridors. And it seems that Simon's got the microscopic vision of surgeon, not the telescopic vision of a sniper; he never seems to hit anybody. Kaylee is just standing there in shock, holding her handgun like it's a baggie full of dog poo. Book actually is aiming for their knees, incidentally. From the corridor, Jayne yells for Book to get behind them to provide cover. Book starts heading in their direction, with Simon behind him. Kaylee, unfortunately, is heading in the other direction, back into the ship. Three men come out from a corridor and start shooting in her direction. She hides behind the bulkhead and starts crying and freaking out. Suddenly, out of nowhere, River rushes up to Kaylee and tries to calm her down. She takes Kaylee's gun and spares a glance out into the corridor. She notes the positions of the three guards and ducks back next to Kaylee. She mutters to herself, "Can't look, can't look, can't look." Then she suddenly stands at the entrance to the cargo bay with her head facing away and fires three blind shots. Each one takes down a guard. Kaylee looks at River in shock. River says, in a slightly sinister tone, "No power in the 'verse can stop me." Kaylee is unnerved. I think the cameraman is unnerved, too, because he's having problems holding the camera steady.

In the dungeon, Mal starts going after Niska, who is crawling across the floor. This time it's his turn to get ambushed from behind by the skinhead assistant, who, by the by, looks sort of like Colin Farrell when he shaved his head for the Daredevil movie. So, unlike Niska, he's a sexy sort of evil, and it's fun watching these two go at it. So to speak. I'm just saying. I'll be in my bunk. Skinhead tries to strangle Mal, and the two of them wrestle as Niska slowly crawls out of the frame and out of the episode. I suppose one bright side to this show's likely cancellation is that I won't have to endure his nonsense in yet another episode. Mal and Skinhead's wrestling crashes them through a window onto a balcony which overlooks the giant chasm we saw earlier.

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