I hate this epilogue. Zoe is actually preparing Wash soup for being such a brave man. He wasn't brave; he was fucking stupid. And nobody seems to be reminding him that he got into this situation because he didn't trust Zoe and behaved like an ass. Mal limps in and asks Wash if he told Zoe the news. What news? Mal tells Zoe, "Your husband has demanded that we sleep together." Zoe responds, "Really?" He explains the whole sexual tension bit that Wash brought up. Wash claims it was the torture talking. But Mal puts a hand on Zoe's hip and puts her hand on his shoulder like they're going to dance, and insists that for everybody's sake they have to get it on. Zoe says she understands, and just as Jayne is wandering into the mess area, Zoe deadpans, "Take me, sir. Take me hard." Jayne says, "Now something about that is downright unsettlin'." Zoe and Mal pretend to lean in for a kiss, but Wash gets up and pulls Zoe away. He declares, "We'll be in our bunk," and escorts Zoe out, slapping her ass as they leave. Jayne looks at Mal in confusion, but then declares, "Oh, hey! Free soup!" and sits down in Wash's chair. Mmmmm…soup. Oh, and Jayne, too.
Next week: A bounty hunter -- who was apparently trained by NASCAR, if his outfit is any indication -- is stalking somebody on the ship. Oh, and Simon takes his shirt off. Finally pandering to me? It's about damned time.