We’re So Screwed (2): Hot To Katratzi

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
"When You Wake Up In The Morning, What Do You Hear?"

"Oh, really? You command the stars to do your bidding?" He hunkers down in her face: "I know you can't. ...And you can't, and you can't. And you won't." Aeryn smiles up at him, at peace by his side even in the middle of this most dangerous room in the universe. "...But I have." Staleek asks why he's even there, then. If he's the superpower they all wanna be, why show up at all? "Because I am an American," he says, as the score goes crazy. "And what does an American want, democracy? Capitalism! I want to sell out and settle down. For one day only, it's a blue-light special on aisle three. My wormhole technology and a free set of steak knives for all the tea in China, and anything you can imagine to pay me." Ahkna's like, "'Pay'?" Yes. Cash. The Kalish murmurs, "He's crazy," and Aeryn smiles over at him: "Isn't it fun?" Andy bought me this season for my birthday several years ago and I'm pretty sure it's for that line, so he could rewind it and watch it over and over whenever he liked. "He's crazy!" "Isn't it fun?" John kicks things off the table like he's gone Coyote and welcomes them to his Cold War. "Now, what am I offered for all the powers of the Universe?"

Minister Ahkna, Captain Jenek, and Emperor Staleek are having a beautiful meeting. Ahkna, of course, thinks John's bluffing. I love how she's consistent, but that it's itself consistent with her character. This is a woman whose father was deposed, and one assumes murdered, by Staleek...into whose Cabinet she managed to get herself, and whose ass she is going to brutally kill the very second she can, getting the cycle going again and becoming Empress. And I wish her luck because she represents the kind of determination you see in movies like Gladiator -- something I find fairly lacking in the youth of today. "The bomb isn't real and he has nothing to give us. He's come for Scorpius." The voice of Eff You. Jenek is like, "Remember how they're buddies and they're working together, as seen in the last episode?" But Staleek's maybe the best one of them right now, because all he cares about is disarming John's nuclear knob. Jenek grunts and goes running for the info. Staleek's confused about why John would risk so much "just to rescue an ally," which would be even funnier, if he knew the whole story, and Ahkna puts forth the very Ahkna idea that he's working with Grayza to actually prevent Scorpius from giving us wormhole technology. Which, now that she mentions it, seems more probable than anything, and not something you'd ever think about. Even though it's actually closer to the truth than anything else, if you think about it. Staleek is like, "No way," and she points out that it was "Crichton's females" who rescued Grayza. I dare you to call them that in front of them, crazy lady. Staleek's like, "Right, by the way? That was awesome how you fucked even that up." She leaves, growling, even though they've not concluded their business in any way.

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