What Makes Sammy Run

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What Makes Sammy Run

Back to the hallway for more of the lame straight-boy plot. Emery gives everyone fake IDs that he made in computer lab. The Lilmen approach them and ask Harrison if he's seen Sam. The boys hide their IDs and tell the Lilmen that they haven't seen Sam. The Lilmen look suspiciously at the boys but move on. The boys marvel at their new IDs. "Do I look like a Phil Goldfarb?" asks Aryan Josh in a shoutout to the show's producer. Harrison's fake-ID name is Ryan Murphy (a shoutout to the show's executive producer), and Sugar Daddy's is Michael Robin (a shoutout to the show's director). Where's Gustave? "The secret to underage passing is being cool," says Sugar Daddy. That "cool" song from the West Side Story soundtrack comes on, only it's sung by someone who sounds like an old queen in a West Village piano lounge. They've also given the song some unfunny raunchy lyrics like, "I need a stripper or I'll pop my zipper." It makes me want to shower. They all whip out Tom Cruise shades and shimmy down the hall. Ha ha not.

They approach the club, which is called Breasts and Thighs. Two men exit the club wearing trench coats and no pants. Um, okay. They start to enter the club, but the bouncer doesn't let them in because he knows Sugar Daddy and how old he really is. He suggests that they come back with an adult. What is this, a strip club or an R-rated movie?

Nicole and Mary Cherry watch the E! Channel on a portable TV set in the cafeteria. Steve Smetko reports that Cherry Cherry is marrying Erik Estrada and "she expects after years of emptiness to rear her first child." Mary Cherry and Nicole are stunned that Cherry Cherry is denying MC's existence. "I'm nothing but a faint memory," says MC. "Faint?" says Nicole. "You're like that Kennedy kid they stuck up in the attic." "This is a crime!" exclaims Mary Cherry. "Like that Rasta . . . cohenstein." Nicole suggests that they bring about "punishment" for this crime. Okay, we get it. Crime and Punishment is the motif of every plot line tonight, and no one can pronounce Raskolnikov's name. Can we move on?

San Francisco. Gallery opening at Kelly Foster's gallery. People dressed in black. Massive Attack-ish music playing. Kelly Foster doing the hostess thing. Sam crashes the opening, breaks into Kelly's office, and rifles around in Kelly's stuff looking for clues. Kelly walks in on Sam. "What do you think you're doing?" asks Kelly. "Looking for proof," says Sam self-righteously. Kelly tells Sam to get out or she'll be arrested. Thankfully no one mentions Crime or being Extraordinary for once. Sam insists that she knows that Kelly is Brooke's mother, and she holds up a photo of Brooke, which I guess is supposed to stun Kelly momentarily and keep her from calling the police. "This is the daughter you abandoned!" says Sam, handing Kelly the photo. Kelly looks at the photo and again denies being Brooke's mother. "That cool and controlled icy thing you just did?" says Sam. "Your daughter's got that down in spades." Brooke is controlled and icy? Since when? Brooke breaks out in a guilty sweat if she eats an extra M&M! Sam walks out, leaving the picture with Kelly and giving her Magic Marker eyebrows a victory raise.

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