The strip club. Asian Godfrey has rounded up the boys, the girls, and Mr. McQueen, who he calls a pedophile. Harrison tries to take the blame for everything since he thought he was a teen Raskolnikov and blindfolded Mr. McQueen and made him come. "What about the girls?" says Asian Godfrey. "They're just whores," says Harrison. Ha! Mike McQueen is arrested anyway. "But we were just here for the chicken!" protests Josh.
The Palace. "Thank you for a lovely bridal shower," says Jane bitterly, looking every single one of her thirty-four years (or at least the ones that IMDB is admitting to). The shower is over, and Brooke and the Lilmen are apologizing all over the place. Jane expresses outrage and disbelief that the girls lied to her, because normal teenagers never cover for each other or anything. She calls the police and starts bitching out the officer who asks her to hold. "What kind of world do we live in where we have to wait to report a child's disappearance?" says Jane. Hmmmm. I'm starting to understand where Sam got that chip on her shoulder. Harrison enters with a basket of chicken and cash. They explain that they have been out raising bail money for Mike, who is in prison. Josh blames Brooke for Mike's imprisonment, since it was Brooke who told them to take Mike out for a bachelor party. "Oh my God!" says Brooke. "I am Raskolnikov!" Brooke, if you're Raskolnikov, then Dawson is Jean Luc Godard. Before the strip-club scenario can be explained to Jane, Sam appears. For some reason, Lily and Brooke are shown turning their heads to look at her in slow motion, as though the act of looking at Sam is as dramatic as crossing the finish line of an Olympic marathon or torching a Vietnamese village. Jane does the old are-you-okay-good-because-I-am-going-to-kill-you routine. Jane, if you kill Sam, I'll totally help you hide the body!
Later in the Palace bathroom, Brooke moisturizes while Sam explains how she ran away to try to figure some things out. What is the deal with moisturization this week? Through their conversation, it is established that the wedding money was used as bail, but that Cherry Cherry saved the day by suggesting a double wedding and paying for the whole thing, "eradicating" the girls of their "crimes." Brooke is saddened by Sam telling her that Cherry Cherry is holding a double wedding in order to make it hard to notice Mary Cherry -- whatever that means. "At least she has a mother," says Sam. "You have a mother," says Sam. "Her name is . . . [pregnant pause] Jane McPherson." "I'm really glad that you're back," says Brooke.