Why We Fight

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We All Live In A Nazi Submarine

Pan across newspaper headlines about the war as the caption indicates, "New York City, 1943." Angel is sitting in an apartment, staring into space, listening to music. Then the door is bashed in, and Angel doesn't even have time to complain, "Hey, that's my job!" before he's knocked down by the men who rush in. One aims a crossbow at him, one holds a very large stake, and a third -- named Commander Petrie even though nobody calls him that on-camera -- tells Angel to calm down as one more guy enters. Angel sits down and gives them all his surliest look. Petrie asks if Angel's ever thought about joining the war effort. Angel hasn't. Petrie grumbles about German U-boats for a while, and finally gets around to mentioning that the American forces captured a prototype sub a few days ago. Angel mutters, "That's...great news." Petrie adds that something went wrong on board, and that they got a distress call from the sub last night. He asks, "Have you ever heard dying men screaming for their lives? " A guy in the back of the room, Mr. Fury, sniffs, "'Course he has." Much glaring ensues. Petrie says that the sub's in hostile waters, too deep to send divers down. Well, duh. If it's in hostile waters, how would you get a diver to it? And what would the diver do if the original crew couldn't deal with things? Fury notes that the water pressure wouldn't be a problem for Angel, and announces, "I represent a relatively new agency: Demon Research Initiative. And we think that you might be the solution to our little problem." The little problem where Mutant Enemy is addicted to cutesy cross-references? No? Damn. Angel starts to say he isn't interested, and gets sucker-punched for his trouble. Fury continues, "We figure, we strap enough weight to you, you will sink, regardless of your interests." He adds that they've investigated the sub's cargo manifest, and Petrie drops a folder in Angel's lap while saying, "We think we know what attacked our boys." Hang on. As part of their eeeevil Nazi experiment, they actually put "Three (3) captured vampires" on the cargo manifest? Well, the Germans do love their paperwork. Although the problem with the whole scenario (well, one of them) is that the things that make Angel a good solution to the problem highlights how ridiculous the problem is. The Germans were moving vampires somewhere, for some reason, and they decided a vehicle without windows was the best possible means of transportation?

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