So Dexter's in his Blood Shack, his voice-over is going overboard with an endless string of defensive, bitchy justifications for why killing Farrow was so totally not his fault. You know my rule with DVO -- I ignore until it gives me something good. Basically, Dexter's feeling guilty -- not only for killing Farrow but for not going after Trinity instead -- and he doesn't like feeling guilty. He even breaks Farrow's blood slide in half, since it doesn't meet the standards of Harry's code. Of course, he cuts his thumb in the process, the better to be a metaphor for his guilt.

At work, Angel presents Farrow as a former suspect, now a possible victim. LaGuerta leaps to the logical conclusion that it was Brand -- Farrow's assistant and the real model-murderer -- who did it, and the case is then passed off to two detectives who don't even get speaking parts, so let's consider this matter shelved for the week, huh?

Deb notices Dexter being extra fidgety, but she has no time to wonder why, as now it's her time to present her bludgeoning case. She's got a slideshow of the victims throughout the ages. In particular, she points out the smudges of cremains that show up in the crime scene photos -- the same as the ash found at the most recent bludgeoning. Alas, because this is Deb, she clicks one slide too far and reveals a shot of one of the bathtub victims, also with an ash smudge in the photo. LaGuerta has her shutter back to it. Deb tries to tapdance around the issue but Maria finally has her come out with it. So Deb explains that the ash has shown up in photos from the bathtub killings AND the jumper-suicides. That's the pattern, see; three in succession, every year or so, for the last thirty years. While DVO repeatedly hopes for his sister's case to get laughed out of the room, LaGuerta is officially intrigued. Even when Deb gets to the part about Lundy investigating him, and how Trinity killed Lundy and shot Deb.

So Dexter leaves in a huff, DVO reaffirming his intention to kill Trinity and get it over with. Deb follows him out, bubbling over with pride and excitement. LaGuerta calls her into her office, looking fired up, and of course Deb thinks she's about to get a commendation so she practically leaps to follow her. I find myself using "of course" with Deb a lot. It's a testament to how strongly and consistently she's been written throughout the seasons. Maybe as well as anyone else on the show, Dexter included. Anyway, Dexter awkwardly tries to convey enthusiasm, but his feeble attempts are interrupted by Quinn, who shadows him to the elevator and smarmily notes that Dex is, as usual, taking lunch "off campus." "I really do need to stab someone," DVO menaces as the elevator doors close. See, DVO. That was good.

Meanwhile, Trinity weeps over that coffin he built last week, then covers it with a tarp.

Later, Dexter rolls up on Trinity's cozy suburban palace, where the Mitchell clan are engaging in a positively perverse tableaux of family activity. Arthur's gardening, the daughter is watering the lawn, mom's probably inside baking, and Jonah is washing his car in a powder-blue t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, his tan arms lapping up the sunlight like -- okay, moving on. Jonah's there. He's looking nice. Arthur's in much happier spirits to see "Kyle" than he was last week, even when Dex lays out the pretext for his visit: He's checking up on Arthur after the whole deer incident. Arthur brushes it off, then breezes past Dex to correct Jonah on the proper way to dry the car. The moment veers into domineering territory as Arthur snaps at Jonah about doing things the right way and whips the rag back at Jonah's chest and strong arms and deceptively huge shoulders and...oh shut up. DVO natters on about cracks appearing in the perfect family as Sally comes out with a glass of lemonade, having just washed and folded Arthur's clothes. So I was kinda close with that "baking" guess, huh? The upshot? Arthur's planning a trip to Tampa for another Habitat for Inhumanity build. DVO wonders if he's really looking to start another cycle so soon. Dex gets Arthur to divulge that he's leaving tomorrow, right from work. The gears start turning in Dexter's head for an out-of-town kill, and DVO says he'll have to come up with an excuse to take an excursion to Tampa.

Cut to Dexter scouring the internet for a convention nearby that a blood-spatter expert could plausibly be invited to. Deb interrupts him, her voice trembling, saying LaGuerta pulled her off the Trinity case. You know, because she's a victim in said case. Did Deb not consider that? (The answer is no, of course Deb did not consider that.) Dexter, who is pretty much the opposite of how broken up Deb is about this, and doing a poor job of covering it, tries to bright-side things, saying this now frees Deb up to help out Miami Metro "in so many ways." Deb heroically refrains from punching her brother in the nose, instead noting, "I love ya, bro, but sometimes you're a fucking 'tard." Dex goes back to his search for a convention. He lingers on a weather convention in Tampa. Cut to...

Dexter, in LaGuerta's office, starts rambling about how better understanding the science behind meteorology could have untold benefits in his crime scene analysis, on and on, yammering enthusiastically. Finally, when he stops to take a breath, LaGuerta's like, "If I let you go, will you stop talking?" But Dexter doesn't stop talking, in fact he goes back to speedily making his case, at which point the POV switches from LaGuerta to Rita, who also waits for Dexter to run out of steam before giving Dex a confused look and a shrugged-shoulder acquiescence. Man, that couples therapy has done wonders for the shady crap Rita will once again let Dexter pull. She does barter with him, however; in exchange for taking off this weekend, Dexter can cover for her during her Tuesday night yoga classes. She also mentions that next-door neighbor (and recently single, if you recall last week's unsubtle breadcrumb-dropping) Elliott is taking the kids fishing on Saturday. Dex doesn't give much of an indication one way or the other whether this bothers him, but he's been steadily more proprietary over his family this season, so we can guess.

We see Dexter packing a bag for his trip, including his murderin' tools as well as the bludgeoning hammer Arthur gave him. Meanwhile, Arthur is also packing, which includes portioning out some of his sister's ashes into a travel vial. Kind of like you do with your contact lens solution.

The next morning, Dexter scares the crap out of Arthur as he's preparing to leave school for Tampa. He asks if he can grab a ride to Tampa and help on the build. Arthur declines and starts to drive off, but "Kyle" is increasingly desperate, talking about how he needs to get out of here, and out of here (pointing to his head). To a less murderously unhinged man, Dexter's words and demeanor here would be setting off every alarm bell you have. But with Arthur, Dexter's appeals to his charitable posturing (he references "generosity of spirit") and messianic tendencies ("you're the only one who can help me") eventually wear him down. He lets Dexter into the passenger seat and drives off.

Back at Miami Metro, LaGuerta, Angel, Quinn, and Masuka go over the Trinity case out in the open, while Deb stands at her desk not five yards away, eavesdropping and correcting them under her breath. They go over the description of Trinity as determined by the forensics and Lundy's research: close to 6'4", blue eyes, age 50-60. Angel snarks that this description will come in mighty handy among the retirees of Miami. Deb keeps miming instructions for Quinn, though he's Quinn and therefore an idiot and mistakes "DNA swab tests" for the blowjob motion. He finally gets it and proposes a targeted sweep, roadblocks where they'd collect DNA swabs from motorists. This kind of thing has worked for them in the past. The downside? Well, it'd cost a bajillion dollars, it's completely unconstitutional, and it totally fucks up Masuka's weekend (he's planning on twins!). But other than that ... LaGuerta says she'll look into the budgetary concerns (Angel flirtily offers to help her), they decide to hold the roadblocks over Thanksgiving weekend to circumvent the courts, and Masuka ... will have to suck it up. Aw.

On the ride to Tampa, Dexter is just annoying the holy shit out of Trinity, asking a billion questions. Dexter really seems to enjoy pushing Trinity's buttons -- it's been a subtle throughline in these last few episodes. Is he purposefully testing the foundation for weak spots, so to speak? Or is this more of a genuine "yappy lapdog" relationship than even Dexter would like to admit? Arthur finally tells him to shut his trap, then asks him what he's so troubled about anyway. Dexter's vague about "I did something," which annoys Arthur even more. Dex distracts by pointing out a pit stop. At the rest area, Arthur again prods "Kyle" to reveal his secret, seeming to believe helping Kyle through this is a directive from "God." Hrm. Dexter stonewalls and evades, until Arthur finally screams, "TELL ME, KYLE!" Well, now they're just making a scene. Arthur gets up to leave, which is when Dexter admits, "I killed a man." Now, lest we start to think Dexter is feeling more confessional than he should be, he makes up some cock and bull about a hunting accident. Again, as with Rita in couples' counseling, he's unburdening himself by telling the "truth," if not the actual truth. But the remorse he's feeling does seem to be genuine, and he almost gets overcome with emotion for a second. That's...jarring to see. And Arthur seems equally genuine in his empathy, which is a surprise to Dexter. Arthur stresses that confession is good for the soul and that Dexter's going to be okay.

That night, at the motel, DVO has recovered from the momentary shock and is steeling itself -- and Dexter -- for killing Arthur. He gets a call from Debra, asking about crime scene photos from the latest suicide jumper. Dexter directs her to his computer and says to have Masuka give her access. I tell you, I was certain this would lead to Debra finding that half-shredded pick of Laura Moser in Dexter's desk, or something equally incriminating. Anyway, Deb closes with this gem of an instruction to her meteorology-conference-attending bro: "If you run into that weather guy, Sonny Skies, tell him he's got a stupid name." HA! Oh Deb, you are my favorite.

Dex tears out a hardware store ad from the yellow pages, but he's met at his door by an effusive Arthur (his mood has picked up quite considerably now that he knows Dexter killed someone), who says he's got a surprise excursion for them tomorrow, as opposed to going to the build. Dexter doesn't like surprises and says so, but Arthur, practically hopping up and down, assures him he'll like this one. Dex shuts the door and exhales annoyedly. DVO whines a bit about whether the surprise will be a magical cure for remorse (there's a theme of REMORSE in this episode???) and then decides killing Arthur tomorrow night would be just as well.

Back at the station, Angel and LaGuerta crunch the numbers, unsuccessfully, and try to keep from staring at one another, also unsuccessfully. But hey, it's late, and they're the only ones still at the station, and is that mandolin music I hear on the soundtrack? I think we all know what that means. Sadly, their epic Stare of Longing and Imminent Lovemaking is interrupted by stupid Quinn, who is druuuunk. He was at the bar with "the guys" who all decided they would donate one vacation day to help finance catching Trinity. Oh, man, the union head is NOT gonna like that one. Angel and LaGuerta are thrilled, though, as this should fund the whole operation. They're even happier when Quinn stumbles his drunk ass out again. They hug over their good fortune, the sexy mandolins return, and pretty soon it is ON. And by "on," I mean "on top of the table in the conference room." I knew Amanda Woodward returning to television would have positive repercussions!

Later, Quinn's still drunk when Christine wakes him up with a knock on his door. Get this: She says her editor is breathing down her neck for a "lead that bleeds," and if she doesn't come up with one...what, I guess she's fired? I can't decide whether Quinn doesn't immediately see through this because he's drunk or because he's stupid. Like, he knows she's trying to take advantage of him, I guess, but then he lets her talk him into "giving [her] support," which in this case means hugging her while she cases his apartment for something she can use. Something like the DNA-sampling protocols. Another red flag he fails to spot: Christine turns down sex and hightails it outta there once she's gotten her lead. I don't care how drunk and/or dumb he is, you're not turning that down unless you have an agenda.

The next morning, Dexter's on his way to the meteorology conference (if order to establish an alibi), but he's shanghai'd by Arthur in the parking lot. Turnabout being fair play and all. Arthur is disturbingly excited for whatever surprise he has in store for Dexter. So much so that he does this spazzy little dance, which I believe is half a Charleston and half that Puff Daddy dance from the late '90s. Either way, Arthur, you can kill as many people as you want, just never do that again. Dexter seems similarly unnerved and wonders if Arthur's "mask is crumbling." I think we've long since established Arthur's more bipolar tendencies, yes?

Back at the station, Deb is once again nudging Quinn in the direction of competent police work, but this time he gets his back up about being used as Deb's "tool." Too many ways to take that joke, I'll let y'all choose your own adventure. Deb's like, "Yeah, I'm using you to make you look good, but I wouldn't want you to feel like a tool." She finally gets Quinn to quit crying and ask Masuka for access to Dexter's crime scene photos from the Tarla Grant "suicide." Here again I totally expected this to turn into Quinn finding something incriminating in Dexter's work space. Masuka's busy supervising the assemblage of DNA kits. He and Quinn get to talking shop which, because it's them, quickly turns into talking about nailing chicks. Specifically the chicks one could nail at the kind of "geekfest" Dexter's at. Masuka assures Quinn the tail is plentiful. Quinn's like, "For you, sure, but Poin-Dexter?" I'm...I'm trying...is Quinn actually floating the notion that Dexter is somehow less fuckable than Masuka? I guess this is how we know that Quinn has officially gone off the deep end into a Doakes-like, Dexter-hating psychosis. Anyway, Masuka sticks up for Dex in his own way, which means bragging about the time when Dex was nailing Lila on the side. "That chick was crazy. Literally. I could tell you stories." Jesus, Masuka, that shit was bad enough the first time around. No mas.

At home, Rita's feeding baby Harrison when Elliott returns with the kids. They all caught fish, so everyone's happy. Even Astor, which means somewhere in heaven, an angel is crying. Rita says they can eat the fish once Dexter gets home, since that's his kind of thing. But Elliott interjects himself -- innocently or not is up to you -- and says he can easily gut a fish, and while Rita is reticent, they make de facto dinner plans with the kids. So now we know what all that hinting about Elliott and his breakup from last week was leading to.

In Tampa, Arthur pulls the van up in front of a house; Dexter's confused. Arthur bounds up the steps and rings the bell about eight times. The older Asian man who answers isn't interested in what Art's selling, but Arthur presses on with that manic look on his face. "I grew up here," he explains, before pushing past the owner and his wife and bounding up the stairs. Dex follows, all awkward-like (he bows to the owners -- awesome). Once upstairs, Dex sees Arthur has stalled at the bathroom door, all the energy of a moment ago now gone. He explains, as Dexter leads him slowly inside, that this is where it all started, for him; this is where his sister died. He explains how his 10-year-old self was standing in the doorway, watching his sister shower ("it was innocent," he stresses), and she saw him and slipped, falling through the shower door. "The glass sliced her leg," Arthur recalls, as we all connect the dots to the sliced femoral artery in the bathtub killings. DVO relates to Arthur, as they were both "born in blood," metaphorically.

Arthur goes on to recount how his parents blamed him for Vera's death. Mother eventually killed herself, while his dad became an even more abusive drunk. "Little pervert fucking cunt, you killed them," he spits, dipping into the Tourette's-like state he was in as he ramped up to his bludgeoning a few weeks back. DVO deduces that Arthur was the one who killed his dad. Coming somewhat back to his senses, Arthur tells Dexter he never told anyone this. The look on his face says it may have been freeing. He says he told it to Dexter so he'd know he's not alone. So right now, you've got two serial killers having this odd breakthrough of "honesty" by outing themselves as accidentally responsible for the death of an "innocent." I wonder if Arthur has found a way to think of his victims as guilty like Dexter has. Arthur asks Dex if he feels better, but the house's owners show up to say they've called the police, and Arthur and Dexter skedaddle before Dex can answer.

The cute coffee-van boy notices Debra loading her coffee up with sugar, which Deb cutely owns. That half a second of good feeling is interrupted by Christine, who is sniffing around Deb for a story. She lays down the bait, mentioning the DNA roadblocks, but Deb's too smart for that. She stonewalls as best she can. Rather hilariously, Christine tries to play the "my editor's breathing down my neck" card, which I'm not sure works on cops whose dick isn't about to be in your mouth. Deb tells her not to go with the story, lest she embarrass herself. But then she shows too many of her cards by agreeing to the interview Christine's been after. This seems to be the better option for Christine, so she jumps on it.

Dexter and Arthur hit up a diner for lunch. That diner happens to be right next door to the meteorology convention, which gives Dex a chance to hop on over and establish his alibi. Serendipitously, he does so by snapping a pic with the very Sonny Skies of Debra's discontent. Sadly, Dex does not take the opportunity to tell him he has a stupid fucking name. He sends the pic to Rita, though Rita is too busy horsing around the kitchen with Elliott and the kids, clearly already committing playfulness adultery.

When Dexter returns to the diner, he finds Arthur has glommed onto another unsuspecting family. He's acting manic again, and has situated himself in their corner booth, pretty much holding them hostage and telling them all about his trip home and the bathroom where his sister died. Dexter gingerly sits down with them and looks for a graceful way to get Arthur the hell out of there. Suddenly, we've got a very "dealing with senile Grandpa" dynamic between these two. Arthur is about to tell the family about "Kyle's" confession to him when Dexter finally gets up and says they're leaving. Arthur's annoyed, but he shows no hesitation in getting up and taking off. On their way out, Arthur gets grumpy again and calls Dexter "rude." He says remorse is his problem -- he needs to shed it. Dexter offers that he could shed it maybe through giving. He asks if they can stop by a hardware store so he can buy some things to donate to the build.

At Miami Metro, Deb's in the ladies' room, looking through some Trinity files on the sly. She covers them up when LaGuerta walks in. Of course, LaGuerta's humming a song, which is the international signal for "I'm getting' some, but it's a secret." So we're in something of a Mexican standoff of deception, and though each woman is onto the other, they both back down. After LaGuerta leaves, Debra drops the file, and in bending over to pick it up, she pulls some stitches. She lifts up her shirt to get a better look at it, and when she does, something dawns on her. "Mother shit fuck," she says, which is what she says when something dawns on her.

Deb makes a beeline for Masuka's office and, after a short little play titled "Debra Takes Off Her Shirt for Legit Evidence-Gathering Purposes and Masuka Becomes Incapable of Functioning Like the 40% of a Man He Is," they get to the reason Deb is freaked. The location of Deb's wounds suggest a trajectory that isn't consistent with how tall they've got Trinity. Deb was shot by someone significantly shorter. "Fucking fuck," Deb says, realizing that Trinity didn't shoot her. (I'd holler about calling this, but it seemed kinda obvious, right?) Deb plays this scene out with a question: "Then who the fuck shot me?"

Back in Tampa, Dexter and Arthur return to the hotel after some hardware shopping (Art compliments Dex's shrewd purchase of plastic sheeting, har har har). Dexter feigns like he's sleepy, so Arthur takes off, first shaking Dex's hand and solemnly proclaiming them "kindred spirits." With Arthur gone, DVO hopes Arthur goes right to sleep, no surprises.

Back home, Rita and Elliott sit around, after dinner, polishing off a bottle of wine. Bad idea, Rita, come on. When Rita begs off more wine, Elliott teases that she's a lightweight, causing Rita to reminisce about her days as a "dress-over-the-head party girl." She's instantly embarrassed by this, but Elliott assures her he finds her completely charming. Blah, blah, blah, Rita feels weird.

Tampa. We montage our way through Dexter outfitting his hotel room in plastic wrap. It's fine and functional, but with none of the joie de vivre of past kills. Where are the rotating murals? Where are the mementos of his victims? Oh, wait, he has photos at least. I have always loved this aspect of Dexter. This "hectoring Jewish mother" side of him that will never ever let you live anything down. The last two photos are of Lundy and Deb because this shit got personal. Kind of. As the clock strikes quarter to five, Dexter fills up his syringe and ventures to the room next door.

Dexter sneaks into Trinity's room and skulks up to the bed...but no one is there. He's gone. He heads out to the parking lot and sees the van's still there but his tools are gone. DVO deduces he's gone to the Habitat for Inhumanity build. And in the half-second it takes to cut to Arthur standing on a high floor of the quite unfinished house, the sun has come up. Dexter's checking out the site on the assumption that Trinity's come to make a kill (which, if you'd stop to think about it, you'd know he's not; the bathtub is the first kill in his cycle, and ain't no bathtubs in this half-finished house). Dex spots Arthur on the third level and is so caught up in his own kill that he doesn't seem to notice Arthur zombie-walking to the edge in the international gesture for I'm Gonna Jump to My Death. Dex gets up to the third floor and watches Arthur, his back turned, dump a vial of ashes over the ledge. As he inches his feet to the edge, DVO finally starts to wonder what's up. We see about a dozen long sections of rebar sticking up from the ground below, just waiting to impale something. He puts his arms out in the Jesus pose, then starts to fall.

"No, you're mine!" gasps DVO, as Dexter lurches ahead to grab Arthur. He's almost too late but he manages to catch him by the arm. So Arthur's dangling, as we've seen in so many lesser TV shows and movies. "This isn't how you die," Dexter says. There's anger in his voice, but in the heat of the moment it can easily be mistaken for adrenaline. Arthur whimpers, "Let me go!" Man, for such a fearsome killer, Arthur can be a GIANT pussy. Seeing that -- or, more accurately, seeing that killing Arthur and letting him die ("as long as it's by my hand") end up with the same man dead -- Dexter contemplates letting him drop. But just as he's about to let go, two construction workers show up from completely out of nowhere to pull Arthur to safety. That really did not sit well with me. Not only the dues ex day-laboria but also Dexter's thought process. For a second there, I was intrigued by the idea of Dexter needing to kill Arthur rather than just let him die. Remember, Herr Dark Passenger is a beast that needs to be fed, blah blah blah. "As long as it's by my hand" covers the bases, but there's a blood lust in Dexter that's not gonna be satiated by letting Trinity fall off a building. This is a seriously OCD creature of habit, remember. I don't entirely buy that Dexter is satisfied unless he can cut that body up, place it into six equal-sized bags, and dump it in the ocean. Not to mention that, this way, it seems like Dexter's endgame is justice (seeing the bad guys get killed) rather than killing. But anyway. Arthur's pulled to safety.

DVO deduced that Arthur's suicide plan was why he was able to unburden himself of his remorse. Is that what it'll take for Dexter to do the same? "I thought God sent you so that I could save you," Arthur tells Dexter, showing no indication that he recognized that Dex was about to let him fall. "But God had another plan. He sent you to save me." Dexter seems thrilled to have played such a part in this man's religious delusion. Arthur thanks Dexter as the parade of magical construction workers congratulate each other for saving the day. DVO congratulates Arthur on his reprieve.

At Miami Metro, Debra has just presented her findings re: her own shooting to LaGuerta, Angel, and Quinn. LaGuerta bright-sides that at least this means Deb can join the Trinity case again, since she's no longer a victim of his. She even gets to take lead on it. As for who shot Deb and Lundy? Angel's taking that one. As he assures Deb he'll find the fucker who shot her, he sits down on the edge of the conference table. At which point it promptly buckles and sends Angel straight to the ground. You know that whole pickle-jar theory where one person pulls and pulls and the next person gets it in one try? The "I loosened it for you" gambit? This is kind of like that. LaGuerta and Angel having pulled on that pickle jar all night last night. Meeting adjourned.

At her desk, Deb promises Lundy's FBI shield that she's gonna get Trinity for him.

Arthur and Dexter drive back to Miami. And boy must THAT be an awkward drive home. DVO blathers on and on about remorse, and Arthur mistakes the thousand-yard stare for staring at him. He seems awfully chipper for a guy who not only tried to shish-kebab himself several hours ago but also has seen his mood swing with the warm Florida breeze lately. He tells Dex he was confused before, but not anymore. And he'd appreciate if Dexter kept this whole ugly "accident" under his cap. Just like Arthur will never mention "Kyle's" "accident." This I do kind of like. The one level of mutually-assured destruction that masks a whole, more brutal level of mutually-assured destruction.

Arthur pulls up to traffic at a standstill. DVO notes that it's one of Debra's DNA sweeps. Dex plays it cool -- he knows he wants Trinity to himself, so this checkpoint is no good. But he wants to make it Trinity who must weasel out of it. Dexter calmly notes that this is probably for that serial killer the papers are talking about. "They have his DNA," Dexter feeds him, "and they're looking for a match." Arthur, to his credit, plays it just as cool. He calmly notes other cars pulling U-turns to get out of the logjam, and he follows suit. After a few more moments of DVO yammering about remorse we're out.

Next week: Jonah Mitchell makes a move. Though probably not the kind I'm hoping for.

Joe Rthinks you're picking up what he's putting down. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth think Dexter is an accurate representation of Florida in TV is the Answer.

Jack's office. Lemon asks him for a minute to discuss her conundrum, but Jack is absorbed by a New York Post headline about Don Geiss' estranged son suing Cathy for the control of the company. He rues families as a general concept and tells Lemon to talk about what she came here for. She tells him how she's being forced out of her apartment. He advises her to use her Dealbreakers money to buy it. She wonders if she should buy a bigger place to plan for a family with her dream-hubby-to-be -- astronaut Mike Dexter. Jack thinks she should do whatever it takes to secure her future. Because "in New York real estate, there are no rules. It's like check-in at an Italian airport." Credits.

Downstairs, Lemon finds Frank peeing in jars she formerly thought were used to make sun tea. Toofer comes in an acknowledges that they have a "gentleman's agreement" re: the sun tea. Lemon wonders what TGS would be like without the feminine touch of her, Cerie and Sue. Quoth Frank: "I'd take my pants off and eat chicken wings." Sounds about right. Lemon tells him to toss the jars.

Upstairs, Jack watches Bertram Geiss on TV vowing to fight his sister to the death. Shouldn't be too hard, since Cathy's lawyer is Teddy Ruxpin. Jack shuts off the TV, and Kenneth walks in. Jack tasks him with a five percent energy reduction at TGS as part of NBC's annual green initiative. Kenneth doesn't really believe in all that "scientist talk" about global warming, but he agrees to do Jack's bidding.

Over at Lemon's building, she knocks on the door of her upstairs neighbor, Brian (Nate Corddry). He has a killer apartment and moans about how all the yuppies in the building have been trying to bribe him to sell his apartment. The guy upstairs even offered him $10,000. Lemon casually slips the $20 bill back into her pocket. He complains about how the neighborhood has gone to chain stores and fancy restaurants. Lemon gets all "Power to the people" with him until she notices that he has a working fireplace. He says it's great, except the flue doesn't work, so it smells like Burger King all day and Cinnabon all night. Lemon bites her lip, lest the sound of ecstasy escape. Mike suggests they team up to fight the powers that be. He tells her he's got room in his extra bedroom. Lemon realizes this is a two-bedroom apartment and faints.

Later, back at the studio, Lemon tells Jenna her new, ill-formed plan to pretend to move in with Brian all the while driving him out, buying his place and constructing her dream apartment. Lemon feels bad, but Jenna tells her not to: "This is Manhattan real estate. There are no rules -- like check-in at an Italian sex party." She says she's been waiting for her next-door neighbor to croak for years. At least Lemon has a foot in the door. Jenna vows to teach Lemon how to create maximum drama so that her guy roommate will willingly flee. As you might imagine, Jenna is a pro at this.

Down the hall, Jack checks with Lemon to make sure she isn't making fun of Don Geiss in the show that week. She assures him he's not. Then he walks into Tracy's dressing room to ask if having a family is all it's cracked up to be. Tracy says no, fairly graphically. Jack admits that seeing Geiss go through all these trials with his children has affirmed that he is not meant to have any, and therefore he is planning to have a vasectomy. Tracy, sick of having to censor his screwed-up strip club stories when the kids are around, vows to get a vasectomy, too. A little too late for that, buddy.

Jenna's dressing room. Kenneth flurries in to unplug all her chargers in an effort to reduces the TGS carbon footprint.

Dr. Spaceman's office. He urges Jack and Tracy to think things through before they go through with their vasectomies. He asks whether they want local or general anesthesia and bids them adieu until the next morning.

Back at her new shared apartment, Lemon has put on the full Lauren Conrad, running-mascara look to freak out her roommate Brian. She screams and throws shoes at him while threatening to put on a wedding gown and jump in front of the subway. Instead of flipping out like she would have liked, he empathizes with how much men suck and offers to make her raspberry mojitos to smooth things over. In case you didn't realize by now, Brian's gay.

30 Rock. Lemon tells Jenna her plan backfired. Tracy tells Lemon what worked for him: Black people moved in, and his neighbors moved out. Lemon thinks he's on to something. Tracy says he's full of good ideas and excuses himself to go have a vasectomy in front of his son.

Later, Kenneth approaches Lemon to tell her about green week at NBC. She wonders if NBC will actually do something this year instead of just putting that "stupid green peacock" at the bottom corner of the screen. Kenneth anxiously averts his eyes down and to the left (where, sure enough, there's a little green NBC logo), then tells Lemon she needs to get rid of her mini-fridge. She hems and haws about it, but eventually gives it up to prove to Frank that she's a good and decent person. Then she acts a little bit racist by assuming a random black girl in the studio stole her cell phone. Whoops!

Hospital. Tracy receives his anesthesia and sinks into his hallucination. The setting: The Cosby's Brooklyn apartment/a trash heap. Tracy/Cliff calls out to his daughters (Rudy, Vanessa and "Sondra the boring one"). In marches Tracy Jr./Theo. Tracy/Cliff asks where the girls are, and Tracy Jr./Theo says it's just the guys there. Tracy/Cliff beholds the garbage piles and realizes that his life never evolved into the glorious, harmonious existence of The Cosby Show because he never had girls. The laugh track cackles, and Tracy/Cliff tells it not to patronize him. He wants out.

Lemon's new pad. Brian comes in (in his "This is what a feminist looks like" T-shirt) to check on Lemon. She pretends like she didn't realize he'd be home, screaming the last few words loud enough to cue her "crazy black boyfriend, Astronaut Mike Dexter." Pounding on the door. Lemon opens it, and Dot Com storms in shouting about how any man in the apartment "better be gay." Dot Com shouts about how he'll "be comin' by all the time, gettin' jealous, takin' things outta context..." He suggests Brian would be happier moving out. Brian tells them to calm down. While Lemon and Dot Com argue over obscure '90s references, Brian grabs his nightstick and takes down Dot Com with a pot shot to the knee. Lemon concedes that Brian the Gay Hipster Cop is a complex man. Brian smiles like only a New York City policeman can as he cuffs Dot Com.

Back in the doctor's waiting room, Jack rues the downfall of the Geiss dynasty and affirms his choice to get a vasectomy. Tracy Jr. argues that even the most messed-up families have some good times in them. To wit, he's working on a school project where he assigns words to the letters in his father's name (an acrostic, Jack teaches him, taking on a bit of a fatherly role). Tracy Jr. reads the poem: "'T' is for terrific, 'R' is for rad. 'A' is for awesome, 'C' -- 'cause he's my dad." Jack pushes down a sentimental tear: "Damn you, Tracy Jr."

Back at the office, Kenneth chastises Lemon for hanging on to her mini-fridge in defiance of the green initiative. She says she deserves to keep it, because she's losing her apartment. Frank tut-tuts her, and she asks him what he knows about being green. Kenneth counters that Frank is, in fact, the greenest person on the show because he never lets anything go to waste, including others' food in the garbage, and he never washes his clothes. Lemon notes the health hazard of Frank's "sun tea" making, but Kenneth points her to a beautiful flower box Frank has cultivated outside of his window by pouring his jars of urine there. Kenneth tells her she has two options: 1.) Give up her mini-fridge or 2.) Let Frank continue with his "sun tea" experiment. She opts for the latter.

Back at the hospital, Tracy wakes from his hallucination and begs Dr. Spaceman not to go through with the vasectomy. Luckily, Jack aborted the operation before it began ("If a patient's friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop. It's the doctor's code."). Jack, who nixed his vasectomy also, looks forward to the day his luscious-locked children can play with Tracy's.

30 Rock. Lemon is nearly ready to admit defeat in her attempt to push Brian out of the apartment... until she sees Frank filling up his "sun tea" jars from the communal water cooler. Cut to that night, as she is filling up on fluid and crossing her legs like an about-to-burst first grader. She hears the door opening and starts to unzip her pants. Brian comes in and beholds the unholy sight with a look that can only be described as horror. The next morning, she runs jubilantly into the studio, announcing that she got the apartment. Jenna asks her how, and she tries to dance around the answer, but Frank is nearby. He's onto her. He tells her she's the disgusting one. Instead of using the system to stop global warming, she's used it to kick a gay cop out of his apartment. She shouts boisterously that she has no regrets. It's Manhattan real estate, after all. No rules -- like checking in at an Italian gelato parlor. She triumphantly tosses her tote toward the sky like Mary Tyler Moore. Which would have worked if not for the low ceilings.

Over in Tracy's dressing room, Tracy proudly hangs up his acrostic from Tracy Jr. Frank runs in, excited that Tracy can finally tell his sordid strip club story. Tracy vows never to tell the story now that he's having a daughter because the story is demeaning to women -- "especially if they had their boobies sneezed on by a tiger."

Outside in the hall, Kenneth praises a handyman for changing a standard light bulb to a more eco-friendly fluorescent. The handyman steps down from his ladder, and it's Al Gore. He starts expostulating about how the key to climate change is much more than just changed light bulbs, it's shifting policy. Kenneth seems a bit baffled as Gore makes his way down the hall. Gore gives a final proviso for Kenneth to contact his lawmakers and "recycle everything -- even jokes." Then he hears a whale in trouble and runs off, ripping off his clothes as he goes like a fumbling, formerly woodsman-esque Superman.

Later, Kenneth happily reports to Jack that TGS has reduced its carbon footprint. Jack says he, too, has played a part in the reduction. He's traded his exotic flowers for azaleas from Frank's window box. Yes, friends. Those would be the "sun tea" azaleas. Jack inhales the fragrant piss and encourages an anguished-looking Kenneth to do the same, as they are still "sprinkled with morning dew." Ever the faithful page, Kenneth reluctantly takes a big whiff.

Oh, how I love the smell of punch lines in the morning...

Talk to the Geiss
Jack: Don Geiss is my hero, my mentor, a great man. Holding up one finger to get someone to stop talking -- he invented that.
Lemon: I don't think--
Jack [holds up one finger to shush her]: And now! He's being publicly humiliated by his own family. This is why I'm glad I never had children, and why I never will.
Lemon: Oh, Jack, you don't mean that.
Jack: Geiss also invented the abrupt conversational segue... Talk about your thing now.

The Madonna/Gwyneth/Donaghy School of Real Estate
Lemon: I love my building, but if I'm going to buy a place, it should be a big place where I can have a family.
Jack: Then spend some of your Dealbreakers money. Buy two apartments.
Lemon: What?
Jack: You know why my place is so big? When I was first married to my ex-wife, we lived in the basement. Over the years, I kept buying the floors above me to make room for the family I thought we'd have. Well now I have something better than a family: A walk-in humidor, a lap pool and a replica of the Irish pub where my grandmother was born.

Think Global, Poach Local
Jack: Kenneth, I have a task for you.
Kenneth: Is it menial?
Jack: As part of NBC's annual green initiative, TGS has to reduce its carbon footprint. I'm putting you in charge of that effort.
Kenneth: [makes quote fingers] "Global warming," sir? I'm sorry. That's just a bunch of scientist talk. Same people that would have you believe my great-grandfather was a monkey. If he was a monkey, then why was he killed by a monkey?
Jack: You're preaching to the choir, Kenneth. I mean, I love the earth. I have these blossoms flown in every morning from Sri Lanka on a private jet. That's the definition of green. And yet they force us to do more... more sacrifices. Why? For the children. What have children ever done for us?
Kenneth: Well, they make our shoes and wallets.

Kids Say the Effed-Up-est Things
Jack: Tracy.
Tracy Jr.: What's up, Donaghy?
Jack: Tracy Jr., to what do we owe this visit?
Tracy: It's Take Your Black Kid to Work Day.
Jack: Do you ever regret having children?
Tracy: Every day. I thought having family was gon' be like The Cosby Show: "Oh no, Vanessa went to a concert." "Oh no, Rudy and I are making a sandwich for 25 minutes." The Cosby Show was a lie. Having a family can be the worst. For example, I have this strip club story from this weekend I need to tell you, Jackie D. It's disgusting. But I can't because I got this little d-bag here.
Tracy Jr.: I know what that means.
Tracy: And yet you won't tell me!
Jack: I've been thinking a lot about family lately, about my legacy. I've been watching a friend go through an ordeal with his children, and it has only affirmed that I was not meant to have any of my own. And that I never will.
Tracy Jr.: It's not that simple. Now, what if a girl tries to trap you, like Nicole tried to do me on the band trip. Bitches can be tricky... I'm goin' to get some strawberry milk. [Walks out.]
Tracy: Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa! I mean, having a family is also the best thing a man could-- [Look to make sure Tracy Jr. is gone.] He's gone. So I'm in the strip club with Charles Barkley and one of the hobbits--
Tracy Jr. [walks back in]: Hey daddy!
Tracy: Damn it! I can't live like this! I'm gettin' a vasectomy, too.

Jenna in Charge
Kenneth: Excuse me, Miss Maroney.
Jenna: Kenneth, I'm doing my Kegels right now, what is it?
Kenneth: Well, I've been put in charge of reducing TGS's carbon footprint, and everyone has to chip in.
Jenna: Kenneth, I once took a low-volume shower with Ed Begley, Jr. What more can I do?
Kenneth: Well, let's see... [Pulls out pamphlet.] Minka Kelly says, "My show is about football. There is a football team called The Chargers. Unplug your charger."
Jenna: But Kenneth, I need all of these. This one's for my cell phone. This one's for my laptop. This one's for my erotic massager. And this one's for something personal.

To Each His Own... Vasectomy
Dr. Spaceman: A vasectomy is a very serious decision. I want to make sure you've both thought this through.
Jack: I have. I've thought about it and decided I don't want to have children.
Dr. Spaceman [checks box]: "Family Planning." And what about you, Tracy?
Tracy: The Cosby Show lied to me!
Dr. Spaceman [laughs]: I don't think there's a box for that on the form. What about "Cheers Lied to Me?" Now, for the procedure you can choose between local or general anesthesia. I should warn you that general anesthesia can cause powerful hallucinations. So... I'd highly recommend it. I'll schedule both of you for the morning. Now this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in -- 'cause I'll have a big breakfast waiting for you. Until tomorrow, gentleman... We all see the little black boy waiting in the corner, right?
Jack and Tracy nod heads at Tracy Jr.
Dr. Spaceman: Okay, whew!

Wench Quench
Lemon: Brian is gay, Jenna. The drama did not make him want to move out.
Jenna: Well of course not. Drama is like Gay Man Gatorade, it replenishes their electrolytes.

Priceless Junk, Indeed
Jack: The Geiss name used to be synonymous with success, power, funny incidents where women died at barbecues. Now it's being dragged through the mud. This is why I'm having a vasectomy.
Tracy Jr.: Yeah, but look at that picture. He had some good times with his kids, too. That junk is priceless.

One Man's Garbage, Another's Green
Kenneth: Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you the greenest person at TGS, Mr. Frank Rossitano. He never wastes anything. I've seen him eat from the trash.
Frank: What's a trash can but a big salad bowl filled with trash?

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