THURSDAY

Youuuu Love A Paraaaade: Someone must watch the Thanksgiving Day parade stuff on TV or they wouldn't keep covering it.  Or maybe you only watch because you think one of the balloons will go bonkers again this year.  Whatever your reasons, The Early Show has you covered.  (CBS, 6 AM; catch the parade itself on CBS or NBC at 9 AM)

If They Had A Gravy Quickfire: My mom would totally win.  But they don't.  But they should.  Ponder which other challenges Top Chef should consider including during the Season 3 marathon.  (Bravo, 8 AM)

Filmed On Location At Sars's Apartment: When Good Pets Go Bad.  ...Oh, wait.  My pets were never good. (Spike, 9 AM)

The Heir To Ryan Seacrest's Throne: Anyone else get the feeling that John O'Hurley is trying to do every other job in show business?  He dances, he Feuds, and now he's hosting The National Dog Show, at which new breeds will be introduced.  And let's all hope the naming committee did a better job than that half-assed "cockapoo" nonsense this time around.  (NBC, noon)

Holiday Oscar-Bait Movie-Release Warm-Up: Limber up those high-fiber-feeeeelm-appreciation muscles with Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle.  (IFC, 3 PM)

"I.  Like.  CEREAL.": If you've never watched Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, you can tag in today with the marathon on Cartoon Network.  The Cheese episodes are always the best, and there's one at 6 PM.

Tryptophan Film Festival: Park yourself and/or the kids in front of Mean Girls (TNT, 8 PM), The Incredibles (NBC, 9 PM), one of the Rugrats movies (Nickelodeon, all evening), Dodgeball (FOX, 8 PM), Forrest Gump (The History Channel, 8 PM.  ...The History Channel?  I don't know), Home For The Holidays (Showtime, 8:15 PM), or the alternating SVU/CI Law & Order-thon on USA (allll day, and God bless them every one).

The Tryptophan Film Festival Wit In Programming Award Goes To: AMC, for programming The Birds at 8 PM.

FRIDAY

It's All About The Marathons: And in honor of the fact that I for one will be wearing an elastic-waisted ensemble today, let's stick to a fashion theme -- America's Next Top Modelthon (MTV), Project Runwaython (Bravo), What Not To Wearathon (at least that one rhymes -- TLC), and the Viewer's Choice marathon on Game Show Network.  What does that last one have to do with fashion?  Well, if it's THIS viewer's choice, it's wall-to-wall seventies game shows, and we could all take a lesson on giant-sunglasses styling from Ms. Brett Somers. 

SATURDAY

Welcome To Our Lady Of Craptastic Movies Made Even Worse By The Basic-Cable Edit.:  ...Let us pray.  Heh.  For those of us who don't care about college football, golf, or interacting one minute longer with our weird cousins, the "shhht, I'm trying to hear the crappy dialogue" menu is a lengthy one: Vegas Vacation (TBS, 12:15 PM), Hollywood Homicide (My Network, 1 PM), Jersey Girl (Lifetime, 1 PM), Beaches (TV Land, 2:30 PM), Phenomenon (E-Love, 3 PM), Leprechaun, Back 2 Tha Hood (BET, 7 PM -- I know, but that's how it's spelled.  Really), Friends 'Til The End (Lifetime AWESOME Network, 8 PM), Boat Trip (TBS, 10:15 PM), and A Smoky Mountain Christmas, starring Dolly Parton, Dan Hedaya, and Lee Majors, directed by Harry Winkler (Country Music Television, 11 PM).

"Starring Dolly Parton, Dan Hedaya, and Lee Majors."  What in the hell?

SUNDAY

Shut Up, Football: A&E continues its back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back airings of the Godfather movies; Oxygen judges your choices, kind of, with a double shot of Baby Boom and My Best Friend's Wedding starting at 12:30 PM; and VH1 Classic runs a bunch of episodes of History of Rock 'n' Roll starting at 11 AM.

The Party's Over: But if your travel plans don't get fouled up, you'll be home in time for new primetime offerings -- new Amazing Race, new Cold Case, new Simpsons and Family Guy, new Desperate Housewives, and if you really must cleanse your mental palate after all that family wholesomeness over the last few days, MSNBC offers the perhaps too bluntly named Sex Bunker at 9 PM.