Gigli From The Block: J. Lo gets the E! True Hollywood Story treatment.  If you haven't been meeting your RDA of stills of Baffleck looking pained, now's your chance to up your intake.  (E!, 10 AM)

It Was The Best Of Hosts; It Was The Worst Of Hosts: Catch Howie "For The Last Time, Sir: NO DEAL" Mandel and Anderson "The Silver Fox" Cooper today on Ellen. (syndicated)

The Mountains Hate You: This would seem to be the premise of this episode of Wrath Of God, which focuses on tragedies in the Sierras -- including the Donner party.  Does anyone else think it's time to start calling "the Donner party" "the Donner group"?  Because calling it a "party" forces me to make disrespectful "it's not really a party unless someone brings hors d'oeuv-- oh, wait" jokes.  (History Channel, noon)

The Most Simplistic Game Show Ever: I had a crack all ready to go here about turning War into a game show, but now that I think about it, that would be kind of awesome.  Anyway, time to get your Card Sharks on.  (Game Show Network, 1:30 PM)

Numismatist Alert!: How many times do you read that on the internet?  The 3 PM Law & Order rerun centers on a stolen set of rare coins, and features recurring defense attorney Danielle Melnick (played by one of our TV Girlfriends, Tovah Feldshuh), a fetal Eddie Kaye Thomas, and Karen Allen, makin' the mortgage.  (TNT)

Speaking Of TV Girlfriends: On the plus side, it's a Golden Girls episode block.  On the minus side, they appear to be Sophia-centric eps, which is always a crapshoot.  (Lifetime, 4 PM)

Need To Brush Up On Your "These Go To Eleven" Delivery?": VH1 Classic airs This Is Spinal Tap, just in case you haven't run that line into the ground yet.  (Seriously, though, you...probably have.)  (5 PM)

In Primetime: Most network shows air new eps tonight, but if the super-sized finales of Biggest Loser and Dancing With The Mormons don't float your boat, you'll also find A Charlie Brown Christmas (ABC, 8 PM), a Family Guy block on TBS starting at 8 PM), a Rock block (The Scorpion King, starting at 8 on Sci-Fi -- geddit?), 2005's celebrity gaffes (Embarrassing Moments 2, VH1, 10 PM), and Sidle-era CSIs on Spike all evening.

Naked COPS Special Edition: No further comment.  (Court TV, midnight)  ...Wait, I changed my mind.  You know how TVGuide.com makes a suggestion for a DVD purchase when you mouse over the episode description?  For this one, the suggestion is a Three Stooges collection.  Kind of funny.  Funnier: suggesting Bad Lieutenant.

The Grading-On-A-Curve Toxic-Relationship Hour: Miss comparing your love life to The Bachelor and coming out miles ahead each time?  You'll get the same queasily smug feeling from back-to-back episodes of My Fair Brady.  No Chris Harrison, though.  (TVGN, 1 AM)

'80s Classic Insomniac Theater: Okay, it came out in 1990, but Pump Up The Volume has the sticky neon fingerprints of the Reagan decade allllll over it.  (Cinemax, 2:55 AM)