Scandalous Episodes In TV History: I actually remember this one airing, back in the day -- the Kate & Allie where Allie finds a condom in Chip's pocket.  That A-plot seems tired now, but twenty years ago it really was a BFD to show/discuss condoms on TV.  (If I recall correctly, it was The Hogan Family that broke ground on it first.  Which is terrifying for half a dozen reasons.)  (WE, noon)

Other '80s-Vintage Reruns Include: The second half of the Murder She Wrote series premiere.  I wouldn't mention it, except that 1) at the beginning there, the show was half-decent; 2) Ned Beatty is in it; and 3) I am, apparently, four hundred thousand years old.  (Hallmark Channel, noon)

Felicity Alert!: Keri Russell is on Martha to promote August Rush, plus cat-proofing the poinsettias (or poinsettia-proofing the cats, if you prefer) and other safe-holiday tips for pet owners. (NBC, syndicated)

Ohhh Yeah, Steve Martin Has A Memoir Out: And based on the New Yorker piece he wrote a few weeks back, it should be pretty good.  Why should you care?  Watch (or re-watch) The Jerk, because Martin is on the Mount Rushmore of '70s comedy and this is why.  (USA, 2 PM)

From The "It's Amazing What Boring Shit People Would Watch Before Almost Everyone Had Cable" Files: Today's dose of Little House is summarized thusly: "Laura's new pet is an ornery billy goat that she can neither keep, nor give away."  This, ladies and germs, is what passed for appointment TV once upon a time.  On the plus side, the word "ornery" is pretty rad, so let's all start using it a lot.  Aaaaand: go!  (Hallmark, 3 PM)

"What About You, Dad?  FORGET YOU!!": Oh, basic cable, with your bowdlerizations of curse words and phrases.  Will you never learn that we can read lips, you quaint little melon-farmer?  And while I'm asking questions pertaining to The Breakfast Club...what is a "zoom dweebie," and what makes Anthony Michael Hall the "neo-maxi" version? (USA, 4 PM)

Objection!: VH1's Greatest One-Hit Wonders show sounds decent -- hosted by Shatner, featuring Blind Melon and "Kung Fu Fighting" and so on -- but the Waitresses did have another hit besides "I Know What Boys Like," and you hear it ALL THE TIME this time of year because it's about the holidays.  And actually you should get the Waitresses' greatest-hits album for an '80s-music lover on your list; the whole thing's pretty good.  Anyway, now that I've had my know-it-all-y moment, here's the programming info.  (VH1 Classic, 6 PM)

Primetime Alternatives: Once again, almost everything is new on the nets -- Gossip Girl, Dirty Sexy Money -- but you can also marinate in marathons of The Closer (TNT) and Tyler Perry's House Of Payne (TBS), or, if you're a masochist, dig the CNN/YouTube Presidential debates (CNN, 8 PM).  And of course Runway is on at 10, and the designs better live up (or, really, down) to the horrifying crapfests they've been Michael-Kors-reaction-shot teasing all week.

Fetal Kim Cattrall Alert!: She's guesting in a Trapper John, MD episode.  (American Life Network, midnight)

Sex, Drugs, Rock And Roll: Take your pick -- Henry & June (Sundance, 1 AM) or AbFab (BBC America, 1 AM). I guess there isn't really a "rock and roll" aspect there, but that's what MTV2 is for.