Bloo Christmas: Take a double shot of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends as Bloo goes to the county fair, then decides to move into a nursing home.  (That's not one single plot, by the way.  Heh.)  (Cartoon Network, 8 AM)

Bond The Lesser: Even Lazenby had a better approval rating than this guy, but if you're among Dalton's handful of fans, The Living Daylights is on Spike at 9 AM.

What?  No DNA Tests?: Maury takes on abusive teenage relationships.  I'm sure the subject will be handled classily and with a minimum of audience hooting.  (CW, 10 AM; syndicated)

ER: The Insufferable-Carol Years: There are episodes in the series run when Hathaway isn't a smug pill, but this is not one of them.  It is, however, a pretty impressive guest-star constellation, with Alan Alda as Kerry's absent-minded mentor and Martha Plimpton as the junkie victim of Hathaway's attempts to "help."  (TNT, 11 AM)

Ruffalo Stance: Lifetime rolls the dice on a movie without Valerie Bertinelli in it and airs indie fave You Can Count On Me.  (noon)

That'll Never Be Me, Never Be Me, Never Be Me: A little Corey for you.  Unfortunately, that doesn't mean Say Anything is on, but you can check in with WE's Bridezillas marathon.  (1 PM)

Those Were The Days: When The Daily Show was on every night...and Bill Clinton was the guest.  (Comedy Central, 2 PM)

Brrraaaaaains!: It's the third entry in the Evil Dead series, Army Of Darkness, starring my man Bruce Campbell and Embeth Davidtz.  (Encore Mystery, 3:05 PM)

Oh, I Believe It -- I Can't Even Roll A 90: Among other stories in this episode of Ripley's Believe It Or Not, a visually impaired woman rocks it at the bowling alley. (Sci-Fi, 4 PM)

Nothing Says I Love You Like The Gift Of A Spatula: Except, perhaps, watching UHF on Comedy Central at 5 PM.

If You Miss Friday Night Lights On TV: ...Try it in movie form.  Starring, among others, the kid from Sling Blade as the Matt Saracen character.  (FX, 5:30 PM)

You Had Me At "Robot Lookalikes": Peter Fonda and Blythe Danner star in Futureworld, a dystopian sci-fi from 1977.  Also starring Yul Brynner as the Khrushchevotron 3000.  (Just kidding.  He is in it, though.)  (SHOBe, 7 PM)

Eddie Cahill Alert!: The 8 PM Friends rerun is a Tag-isode.  (TBS)

Have You Left No Sense Of Dignity, EI Channel?: Oh, what am I saying.  Obviously not, as evidenced by this program, 25 Hottest Hollywood Cougar Tales.  I mean, they didn't even go for the "Tails" pun!  (E!, 9 PM)

And The Award For Brevity-Is-The-Soul-Of-Wit Episode Titling Goes To: History Channel's Gangland.  The 10 PM entry is called "You Rat, You Die."

Are You Sure This Isn't Also On The History Channel?: Unsolved History investigates the hunt for Nazi war criminals, including Dr. Mengele.  That'll be a pick-me-up.  (Military, 11 PM)

'Tis The Season: To stay up late watching movies, and if DVD Claus didn't bring you anything good, you've got Purple Rain (VH1 Classic, 12:30 AM), Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox (a documentary about the slightly deranged/genius mind behind the best-known peppermint castile soap going -- Sundance, 12:35 AM), Mannequin (WE, 1 AM), and the Kiefer remake of The Vanishing (Encore, 2 AM).