He Died, Motherfucker: Whether you're up early or up late, wash down your eggs and bacon with the E! True Hollywood Story of Janice Dickinson. And read the recap. Neither one will disappoint.(E!, 8 AM)

The Smell of Mendacity: Ever wondered why Paul Newman was such hot shit? Or Elizabeth Taylor, for that matter? Or what Burl Ives really looked like when he wasn't a stop-motion snowman? Or how coded homosexuality worked in the 1950s? Or whether one movie can repeat the word "mendacity" over 500 times? Watch Cat On A Hot Tin Roof on Turner Classic Movies and see! (TCM, 8 AM)

Goodbye, Mrs. Teasley, Hello Fictionalized University!: Today's 90210 reruns span the gang's high school graduation (clip-show-vaganza!) and the first episode of the college years. "Goodbye, Andrea Zuckerman's cherry" can't be far behind! (SoapNet, 9 AM)

"I Said Across Her Nose, Not Up It!": Spaceballs, it's been a long time. A looooong time. (SpikeTV, 9 AM)

"Deliver Me From L.L. Bean": Beetlejuice, it hasn't been as long. (Brav0, 10:30 AM)

Lifetime, Huh? Shocker.: Desperate Housewives mini-marathon, y'all. From whenever the Scavo pizza place was just opening. Honestly, unless it's Andrew Van De Kamp using his sexuality to destroy his mother, it's hard to care. (Lifetime, 11 AM)

Wing Chun, Set Your DVR: Drumline's on! (TBS, 12:05 PM)

It Really IS Awesome, Baby!: College basketball sees the #1 Memphis Tigers take on perpetual frisky underdog Gonzaga. (ESPN, 12 PM)

From The "Not As Bad As You'd Think" File: Keanu Reeves in Constantine? Not terrible. It might lose its luster edited for television and all, but Tilda Swinton basically plays the archangel Gabriel as a she-male, so... (FX, 2 PM)

It's GTC Quiz Time!: Mark Consuelos, Mario Lopez, Erik Estrada, Tempest Bledsoe. The cast of the next Dancing With The Stars? Or Husband For Hire on Oxygen? The answer? (Oxygen, 3 PM)

Your Real Movie Break: Chris Cooper, Laura Linney, and even Ryan Phillippe are all pretty great in Breach, which premieres on HBO tonight. (HBO, 8 PM)

And Then...: Follow that up with an ever better movie, the first time the Coen Brothers should have won the Oscar, Fargo. (Showtime Extreme, 10 PM)