This Should Take Us Through Jason Alexander, At Most: Here's how you know this afternoon's E! True Hollywood Story on Britney Spears is either out of date or shoddily produced: it's only an hour long. (E!, 12 PM)

But Is It Awesome, Baby?: No idea whether Dick Vitale is going to be lending his unique brand of...enthusiasm to this afternoon's college basketball festivities, but the best game of the day looks to be unbeaten Kansas hauling halfway across the country to face Boston College. (ESPN, 12 PM)

"I will Go! To Jail! For You!": You don't have to be proud about it, but you can admit it if you kind of dig Oxygen's new "bitches be crazy" programming lineup. And in case you missed any of said craziness over the holidays, they've got back-to-back marathons of The Bad Girls Club and The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency to help you catch up. It's violence, substance abuse, and ass! You're not too good for it. (Oxygen, 12 PM)

At Least We Won't Have To Watch The Patriots Win This Week: The NFL playoffs get underway today, with the kind of crappy-looking Washington/Seattle matchup followed by a Jacksonville/Pittsburgh game that should be much better. This also may be the week John Madden deep-fries a horse and awards it to his game's MVP. Don't quote me on that. (NBC, 4:30 PM)

Don't Admit To Watching This: What? Oh, right. Like I'd watch She's The Man. I totally didn't! What would I want to watch Amanda Bynes going undercover as the least convincing boy ever in a crappy Twelfth Night teen-ification just so she could play soccer but then she ends up falling in love with Channing Tatum who doesn't once wear a shirt with sleeves for? Your accusations just don't hold water. (HBO, 6 PM)

Admit To Watching This Instead: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind might be the best movie I've seen this decade. If you haven't seen it, correct that oversight immediately. (HBO Signature, 5 PM)

Adventures In Syndicated Sitcoms: I admit to liking Will & Grace more than most people did, but there was nothing I hated more on that show than Harry Connick Jr. as Leo. Stupid Leo. Stupid unfunny Leo. Much better, as far as Grace's boyfriends went, was Nathan (Woody Harrelson), and his first episode airs in syndication today. (Syndication)

Thanks, Japan!: Just in case you were starting to buy the hype that American Gladiators is going to be this great exhibition of human athleticism, tune into G4 for their Ninja Warrior mini-marathon and take a look at real athletes and not bodybuilding freaks shooting tennis balls at each other. Plus people totally wipe out on the obstacle courses and that's funny.  (G4, 7 PM)

When I Was Seven, It Was A Very Good Year: The very first videotape I ever owned as a kid was the movie An American Tail. And then I spent the next several years terrified that if I ever went on a boat, I'd be thrown overboeard by the waves and never see my family again. I don't know if the movie holds up today, but I bet if you got me started, I could still remember the words to "There Are No Cats In America." Just don't stick around for the sequel, Fivel Goes West. That was lame. (HBO Family, 7 PM)

"I'm A Dude!": Good Saturday Night Live rerun on E! tonight, with Christina Aguilera hosting from back in 2004. If you haven't ever seen the Sex and the City sketch where Xtina plays a shockingly pitch-perfect Samantha, you really, really must. (E!, 10 PM)