Argument About What Is Canon Alert: If you're a Buffy fan, you owe it to yourself to watch the original film, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, if only to see how different the tone actually is. Because...it's kind of different. (Encore, 9:50 AM)

WOOOOOO!: If Discovery Health is the Multiple Babies Channel and We is the Brides With Mental Problems Channel, Spike is the Drunken Jerkweed Caught On Tape Channel, and today, they accordingly present Disorderly Conduct: Video On Patrol. (Spike, 10 AM)

Slow Clap Alert: The TV Guide channel proudly rolls out its undoubtedly painstakingly crafted special, Heath Ledger: A Hollywood Tragedy. Why don't you just call it Heath Ledger: The Body's Still Warm, you assholes. The best part is that at 8 PM, they're running an hour-long version, even though the version this morning is a half-hour. Does that mean they're adding a half-hour of material between 11 AM and 8 PM? I am speechless. (TV Guide, 11 AM)

Guilty Conscience: Sometimes I feel kind of guilty about The History Channel, like it believes we're all so much better than we are. Like, the History Channel is sitting there thinking, "People will totally watch an episode of Modern Marvels in which we investigate the history of dams. Who doesn't love dams? Dams are an engineering marvel!" And we're all watching Spin City reruns. (History Channel, 1 PM)

"It's...An Electric Ear Cleaner": I've always kind of liked Parenthood, which is corny and Steve-Martin-y, but which I think captured Steve Martin when his family-dad-ness still had a streak of bitterness in it that made it kind of interesting. There are also a number of genuinely funny gags in this movie, including the kid running around with a bucket on his head, which makes me laugh every time, because I am that cheap. Also: an adolescent Joaquin Phoenix, then still known as "Leaf." (HBO Signature, 3 PM)

No Feather Boa This Time: You have to keep a really close eye on the X-Files reruns, because they're plodding along through a bunch of the boring Doggett stuff right now, and then, out of nowhere: the wonderful "Jose Chung From Outer Space," including appearances by Alex Trebek and Jesse "The Body" Ventura, prior to his illustrious career in public service. (Sci-Fi, 4 PM)

Get It? "In Arms"? Ehhhhh?: Hawkeye and Margaret are trapped together away from everyone else in the much-loved M*A*S*H episode "Comrades In Arms," a great example of something wonderful and too delicate to ever survive in today's world of insatiable shipper-dom. (Hallmark, 5 PM/5:30 PM)

Dylan Alert: Baby episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 continue, and we meet Dylan McKay for the first time. And girls were ruined forever. Or at least until Jordan Catalano. (SoapNet, 5 PM/6 PM)

My Life In Braces: Utility player Gabrielle Union is Daniel's love interest these days over at Ugly Betty, and the divine Marc is still helping Amanda locate her daddy. (ABC, 8 PM)

Hurry Up And Get Back To Reruns!: For reasons incomprehensible to me, NBC is burning its last two new episodes of Chuck in one night, as if it's eager to have none left, sandwiching them around Celebrity Apprentice. I completely do not understand this programming strategy. Do not understand it. (NBC, 8 PM Chuck; 9 PM Celebrity Apprentice; 10 PM Chuck)

Feelin' Hot Hot Hot: On a new Make Me A Supermodel, the boys and girls have to pose together. Does that mean Ronnie and Ben can't make beautiful music together? Unfair! (Bravo, 10 PM)

I Feel Bad About Jeff Conaway: It's a new Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, and if you haven't given this highly buzzed-about show a shot at impressing you, give it a look. (VH1, 10 PM)