What Not To Serve: Not to brag, but I will be attending the World's Greatest Super Bowl Party this weekend, also known as Chicken Bowl XII. (For highlights of Chicken Bowl XI, please proceed to this spot.) If you will be holding your own, non-competitive-chicken-eating party, please enjoy today's Sara's Secrets, where Sara Moulton attempts a Super Bowl theme with dishes like Endive And Roquefort Spirals With Creamy Walnut Vinaigrette, which is how you can tell Sara Moulton doesn't actually watch the Super Bowl. (Food Network, 10:30 AM)

Don't Let The Door...Well, Actually, Do: ER finally rid itself of the annoying "Dr. Dave" Malucci in today's episode, which features maybe the most distasteful exit line of all time, but oddly, one of two famous exit lines involving lesbians. (TNT, 10 AM)

RARRPPHHLLLTTTZZTTHHHP: If you've ever wondered what a real Tasmanian devil looks like (the twirling is probably apocryphal, along with the spitting and tongue-waggling), check one out today on Most Extreme, which also deals with kiwis that lay gigantic eggs. (Animal Planet, 1 PM)

Also Excellent Are Bagel Bites: A groom sticks up for the food-forward concept of pigs in blankets at the reception on today's Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? I have to say, I've eaten wedding food, and I agree with the groom. Things that are basically fancy versions of Jeno's Pizza Rolls get eaten long before anything else. (Style, 12 PM)

At Least She'd Have Real Dishes: I am the kind of person who will sometimes watch really, insanely terrible movies on Lifetime and its sister networks, but honestly, even I cannot imagine sitting down for something called I Me Wed, about a woman who is so lonely and desperate that she decides to marry herself, and then, of course, she meets a guy. Because you know what's hilarious? Women who think they can live independently. Ha ha ha! (Lifetime Movie Network, 2:30 PM)

Joke's On You: I'm kind of fascinated by the idea of Hell Date, a BET dating show where people try to find their true loves, but actors play their potential dates (or so it appears). I don't really get it. Does everyone know they're actors? Is it a more like a prank? Perhaps one of us will have to watch. You first. (BET, 4 PM)

Not-Quite-Pilot Alert: It's not quite the pilot episode of Seinfeld, but the first regular Seinfeld episode is The Stakeout, which airs tonight. (TBS, 5:30 PM)

HOORAY!: I have been waiting and waiting to be able to recommend to you my favorite episode of The Golden Girls of all time, which features the exchange in which Blanche thinks Danny Thomas was a lesbian. Seriously, if you've ever been remotely curious about why significant parts of the TWoP bullpen continue to have great and abiding love for this show, you absolutely must watch this episode, because that scene is so funny, and Rue McClanahan nails it so ridiculously perfectly, that you will never see hack-ism here again. (Lifetime, 6:30 PM)

Lack Of Ambition: Cops is always good for a look at the exciting police work actually involved in a real day of labor. To wit, "Three suspects are questioned about the attempted theft of a bicycle." Every single thing about that description is hilarious. THREE suspects? ATTEMPTED? To steal a BICYCLE? And apparently FAILED? Worst thieves ever! (truTV, 7:30 PM)

No Rihanna Yet: American Idol continues its audition process, and it undoubtedly embarrasses us all, along with a bunch of people from other countries who have "hilarious" accents. (Fox, 8 PM)

Oh, She's Paralyzed, All Right: On a surprise new episode of House, Janel Moloney (The West Wing, but more awesomely Sports Night) is mysteriously paralyzed, and only House can figure out why. Well, of course. Why does anyone else even come to work, is my question. (Fox, 9 PM)

Lock Down The Forums: On Then Came Six, Discovery Health has found a whole new family to subject to the punishing scrutiny of the parenting-show-watching public, so I hope they're prepared to justify everything in their shopping cart and every failure to sort their recycling in between taking care of their SIX  BABIES. (Discovery Health, 9 PM)

Bloop-Bloop-Bloop Until This Part: You wonder what could be entertaining about Parking Wars, and then you see "a man tries to drive away with a boot on his car," and you think, "Oooh, good thing I have a DVR." (A&E, 10 PM)

Aaaand Finally: There's a new Nip/Tuck, if you like that. (FX, 10 PM)