Smackdown!: Martha Stewart drops by The View, so that's a lot of that in one place. If you close your eyes, you can imagine Martha and Elisabeth Hasselbeck throwing things at each other, can't you? Hasselbeck would get her pretty head handed to her, I think we can all agree. (ABC, 11 AM)

And A Mink As "Kimberly's Wig": You know what's great about today's Melrose Place? The fact that the credits show an actor featured as "Kimberly's Demon." (SoapNet, 11 AM)

Prepare To Wear Out Your Welcome: Perhaps the only movie that's been quoted to you in your lifetime more than Monty Python And The Holy Grail is The Princess Bride, which you can catch today on HBO. It's always too bad when things are so badly overexposed in popular culture that nobody remembers whether they're good anymore, and this is a great example. If you give yourself a clean slate, maybe you'll be able to enjoy it again. (HBO, 2 PM)

Gross...And I Don't Mean The Infected Face: If you've been curious about who in the hell would have a baby with Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton, today's America's Next Top Model marathon on MTV focuses on the season that featured his baby mama, Michelle. To truly appreciate her, watch her famous "flesh-eating bacteria" episode today at 2 PM. (MTV, 2 PM)

Another Nugget For The Rare Connoisseur Who Enjoys TWoP And Celine Dion: I'm sure you've been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to see Celine Dion collaborate with will.i.am, and now, in her new special Celine Dion: That's Just The Woman In Me, you can be satisfied.

I'm Betting She Gets More Than Five Grand: What Not To Wear takes on a wife waiting for her husband to return from military duty overseas, and I'd like to be too cynical for that, but: aw. (TLC, 9 PM)

Confession Alert: I'm going to make a prediction right now: if I'm home, I'm going to watch Unforgettable Celebrity Wedding Gowns. SHUT UP. (We, 10 PM)