Seriously?: It may not be Uno the beagle, but when I see a description of Ultimate Dog Championships that begins, "Jack Russell terriers compete in hurdle racing," I need go no further. (Animal Planet, 10 AM)

Get To Know The Classics: Before you see Step Up 2: Stepper Upper, see its daddy, Step Up. I actually saw this movie. I had some regrets. (Starz, 12:35 PM)

"If I Wanted To Watch Rednecks Drive In Circles, I'd Go To The Parking Lot At My High School": So it turns out that the Daytona 500 is today, and when I looked at the listing, I was like, "Oh, ho hum, Daytona 500, sure, that's popular." And then I saw that the listing said "330 minutes." That's FIVE AND A HALF HOURS, you guys. That's longer than the Super Bowl. Yow. (Fox, 2 PM)

Smackdown (With Wallpaper): Have you noticed that the new MPDP-enhanced Trading Spaces episodes are named "so-and-so v. so-and-so," like today's "Boss v. Assistant"? Are you adversaries now? Because I understand that Hildi, for instance, has always been pretty passive-aggressive toward people's nice things, but that would seem to take decorating to a new place. (TLC, 2 PM)

RUUUUH!: It's the two-hour season finale of American Gladiators, where we get two champions crowned and can henceforth return to a normal world in which American Gladiators isn't on. (NBC, 7 PM)

Move...That...Tuba!: A blind member of a marching band needs only one thing: a new house. And who better to provide it than the fine folks of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? (ABC, 8 PM)

A Little Trick: The episode description of Ultimate Recipe Showdown, for the episode called "Chicken," is, "After a nationwide recipe contest, nine finalists in six food categories prepare their dishes for a chance to win $25,000. First up: a chicken-recipe contest has the finalists competing in three rounds: fried chicken, whole roasted, and soups-stews." Now read it again, only in your head, hear that music that starts "Y'all ready for this?" that was in Bring It On. See? All of a sudden, it's awesome.

The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance KITT Fan: Everyone who's planning to watch the new Knight Rider movie tonight, raise your hands. ...Just Sars, then? (NBC, 9 PM)

Enough Already: Tonight on Brothers & Sisters, fun karaoke Sarah! Or so I have been REPEATEDLY TOLD by Joe R. (ABC, 10 PM)