More Andrew McCarthy Before Noon Than Most People Get All Day: SciFi is running a marathon of eight episodes of Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital, a show of which I know almost nothing except that at some point it involves an anteater and the "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" song. (Which is an underrated song, but that's for another time.) More importantly: who knew there were eight episodes of Kingdom Hospital? SciFi, 8 AM - 4 PM

Whitley Gilbert Alert...I Think: Today's Melrose Place episode description reads "Burns hires an efficiancy expert," who I am 80% positive ends up being played by Jasmine Guy, of A Different World fame. I don't think America was ready to handle the fact that she didn't talk in that ridiculously affected southern accent all the time, is my explanation for why her career floundered. Also: the acting, which you will realize if you watch today's episode. SoapNet, 12 PM

Next Step, Renaming the Network: It's gotten to the point on E! that they're just airing blocks of programming titled "Britney Spears" with no futher explanation of context. Just your daily, two-hour Brit briefing, ensuring that all the pertinent news of court hearings and electro-shock treatments doesn't slip through the cracks. -- E! 1 PM

It's No Heathers, But...Well, It's No Heathers: Jawbreaker isn't the greatest movie ever, but the central quartet of thirtysomethings-playing-teenagers is pretty formidable. Rose McGowan and Rebecca Gayheart were the famous names back then, but also: Julie Benz, who was between Buffy and Angel stints at the time, and Judy Greer, who would end up ruling them all. We love you, Judy Greer! HBO Zone, 2:15 PM

What's On Primetime Tonight: American Idol (FOX, 8 PM) and Biggest Loser: Couples (NBC, 8 PM), plus a whole lot of nothing else.

Fingers Crossed: Before you watch all this TV we're recommending, please do vote if you live in a state holding primaries today. Then you can catch the Super Tuesday results on all the major networks at 10 PM. Try to find Anderson Cooper, that way if things don't go your way you can at least be comforted by the face.

Movie Night: There's The History Boys (once summed up by Couch Baron as "smart boys with varying degrees of sexual fluidity") on HBO Signature at 9 PM, or else Beautiful Girls on Showtime's "ShowCase" channel at 10 PM. The "Sweet Caroline" singalong in the latter hasn't aged well, but Natalie Portman's closing-moments smackdown of Michael Rappaport is still the greatest.