The Road To Vegas: Two full hours of Biography about Celine Dion, you guys. TWO! (Biography, 9 AM)

How Hungry Are You?: I'm not sure what Glutton For Punishment even is, to tell you the truth, but I totally am down with watching a "garlic-braiding contest," so maybe I'll find out. (Food Network, 10 AM)

Teen Angst: Randy takes a powder over on Home Improvement. Remember how big a deal that was? Where is that kid now? Yeah, that's what I thought. (TBS, 1:30 PM)

The Greatest Moments: Hey, remember the time Duke came back from ten points down with one minute left in regulation against Maryland? I do! Somehow, I suspect it means less to you than it does to me. Unless you are affiliated with Maryland -- sucker! Good times, good times. (ESPN Classic, 4 PM)

The Early Years Continue: Over on 90210, it's time for wackadoodle Emily Valentine to show up at 5 PM, followed by one of 90210's many sensitive episodes on race relations at 6 PM. Seriously, that show is a veritable treasure trove. (SoapNet, 5 PM/6 PM)

Holy War: Theological liberal swaps with born-again Christian? What will Wife Swap think of next? (ABC, 8 PM)

Warble Rumble: The final hour of Hollywood -- a.k.a. "The Chairs" -- comes to American Idol, and if you haven't chosen to be spoiled over the last several weeks, then it will still come as a surprise to you. (Fox, 8 PM)

You Want To Be On Replay: The second half of last week's America's Next Top Model special, chock-full of things you can see all day every day during one of the fifty Top Model marathons that air every week, is here to bring you happiness. (CW, 8 PM)

Let Me Guess: On a new Cashmere Mafia...hmm, I will now discern the plot with my magical powers. I predict that there will be stupid behavior directed at dumb men, lesbian conflict, and work-related fooferaws of all kinds. Was I right? You can tell me later. (ABC, 10 PM)

Make It Secretly Work: It's time for the last Project Runway before Fashion Week, and if you didn't already look at the Fashion Week collections on Jezebel this week, prepare to be stunned! (Bravo, 10 PM)