Somebody -- We Won't Say Who -- Thinks Rendition Was "Ghastly": So who's going to be in the Regis & Kelly studio this morning? Reese Witherspoon, Simon Cowell, and a "balloon-popping dog." Simon can't resist a talent show, can he? (Syndicated)

No Teenage Boot Camp?: Today on Maury: at 9 AM, "Guests learn the results of paternity tests"; then at 10 AM, "Men take lie-detecor tests to prove their fidelity." I'm as surprised as you are. (Syndicated)

If Only Sherri Shepherd Believed In The Concept Of Moveable Planets, They'd Totally Be Colliding: Today's reason why the green room at The View will be awkward: Jenny Craig spokesperson Valerie Bertinelli and eating disorder survivor Tracey Gold both stop by to chat. (ABC, 11 AM)

Second Becky Wasn't As Gassy: Classic Roseanne today as Becky gets traumatized because she cut one in front of her whole school. The episode's title? "Inherit the Wind." (Oxygen, 1 PM)

Corey Feldman Alert: So after I scoured the cable grid in vain for weeks and weeks around the holidays, forcing me to ultimately spend seven bucks on the DVD at Target, HBO has finally decided to put Gremlins back in the rotation. Because, as you know, the events of the film take place on Leap Year Eve. Wait, no, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE. (HBO Family, 2:15 PM)

"Prime" Time Seems Like A Stretch: I've tried to watch this season of Big Brother -- my psyche is beyond shame at this point -- but it's just so...dull. Even with a fake lesbian couple, a gay dude who believes in swearing on the Bible (sigh), a cougar, a Boston/New York bromance, and the world's ugliest man, <i>still</i> I can't manage to pay attention. Good thing it's clogging up three time slots a week now that the real shows are coming back, huh? (CBS, 8 PM)

Chris or Rami?: That's the question on Project Runway tonight. Look for Carmen to be very upset if whoever comes out on top doesn't mention how much they miss her. (Bravo, 10 PM)

And The Oscar Didn't Go To: While you continue to come down from No Country For Old Men winning the Best Picture Oscar last year, maybe check out Children of Men, the movie that should have won Best Picture last year. (HBO 2, 10 PM)