Quick, Padlock The Doors!: Behold the lineup on Thursday's episode of The View -- "Jeff Foxworthy, Kim Kardashian, and Bruce Jenner." I'm just saying, if there was any day to wait until everybody was in the building, chain the doors shut, and keep the whole lot of them away from the rest of us, now would be the time. (ABC, 11 AM)

Fear The Hoya: We are SO CLOSE to the beginning of the NCAA basketball tournament (a.k.a., Joe's Religious Holiday). Before we get there, it's the Big East tournament, the quarterfinals of which are on ESPN all day. There's no Dick Vitale, if that's your thing, but Bill Rafftery's histrionics should be a fine replacement. (ESPN 12 PM)

Good Luck Replacing Julia Roberts's Accent: Let's be honest here -- I didn't see Charlie Wilson's War in theatres and neither did you. But if you were genuinely interested in the story but were turned off by Tom Hanks and/or Aaron Sorkin, there's The True Story of Charlie Wilson on The History Channel. (HIST 2 PM)

The Recommendation of the Day: This is the kind of thing we created the picks blog for. Today's 90210 rerun is the one where Dylan's dad gets blown up on his yacht. Yes it is! Sure, the moment's legacy is sullied with the knowledge that Dad's death was ultimately faked, but if you pretend like the last two or so seasons never happened (like some of us choose to do), then the memory is pure. BOOM! YAY!  (SOAPnet, 5 PM)

True Stories Of Dated CatchPhrases: Today's Seinfeld rerun? "The Yada Yada," which, despite the fact that nobody really says that anymore, is a rather excellent episode, including Bryan Cranston as dentist Tim Whatley, who converts to Judaism purely for the jokes. Plus? Debra Messing is an anti-Semite! ...On the show. (TBS, 5:30 PM)

Oceanic Sixth?: Tonight's Lost looks to be a Jin/Sun episode, which used to be some of the best episodes, got kind of tedious and repetetive for a while there, and then rebounded in a fantastic way last season when Sun found out she was pregnant. Will our hearts be broken to find out that one of them is among the famed Oceanic Six but not the other? (ABC, 9 PM)

Secrets Of The Ooze: Tonight's Survivor deals, at least in part, with Jonathan's infected knee, which was looking pretty damned nasty on last week's previews. Nasty and goopy and discolored and...okay, that's enough.  (CBS, 8 PM)

You Got X-Punked!: Reaper returns tonight after a long time away...with guest star Jamie Kennedy? Oh, Reaper! (CW, 9 PM)

A Heartfelt Plea: Come on, Make Me a Supermodel, help me out, here. Just...don't let Casey go home this week. Please. Not before Ben. And Perry. But especially Ben. The episode description promises a double rip-off from America's Next Top Model: a cemetary photo shoot and a gothic runway show.(Bravo, 10 PM)