The 3 AM Donut Run: Just in case you haven't had your fill of Hillary Clitnon or characterizations of Hillary Clinton on TV, definitely check out Mike Nichols's Primary Colors, which has been bouncing around the HBO digital channels all month. And if you're of the mind that the media has been shilling for Hillary as of late and this is part of that agenda, actually watch the movie. Emma Thompson rocks, but you're not necessarily going to be the biggest fan of the Clintons when you're done. Plus: Kathy Bates in what should have been her second Oscar-winning role. (HBO Signature, 5:30 PM)

Expect What You Probably Expected: Big Brother is still stupendously boring this season, and I'm only really following the events of the show via M. Giant's recaps, but I'm given to understand that an evicted player returns tonight. Since I have no real reference points for this season (there was the New York guy with the accent? And the girl who said "bueno"?), I'll just say: remember when Amy came back to the house in Season 3? With cornrows and a thirst for vengeance against Chiara? That was fantastic. (CBS, 8 PM)

Today's Adventures In Immaturity: Tonight's America's Next Top Model involves the following: a trip to the meat-packing district; posing with racks of beef; and Jaslene. ...Oh yeah. (CW, 8 PM)

The Long And Winding Road...Home: American Idol kicks off another hopeful tonight. The popular opinion says Syesha, my hope is for Kristy Lee Cook, and my fear is poor boring Ramiele. Whoever it is, Simon Cowell will no doubt have known it all along. (FOX, 9 PM)

Sweet Home Chicago: Top Chef's season premiere takes the show to Chicago and welcomes guest judge Rocco Dispirito and whatever new face he happens to be sporting this week. (Bravo, 10 PM)

The Tears of Unfathomable Sadness: South Park airs its 12th season premiere -- 12 seasons! -- with an episode that's nominally about Cartman's tonsilectomy but will, as usual, probably be about whatever is sticking in Trey Parker and Matt Stone's collective craw this week. (CC, 10 PM)

I Am Part Of The Problem: In scouting out recommendations for tonight, I came across the Will & Grace episode that featured Karen and Candice Bergen playing pranks on each other, as well as Will and Grace ending up on a weird double date with strangers. In my notes, I wrote: "guest stars Candice Bergen, Tom Everett Scott, and Halfrek." Yes, I know her name is Kali Rocha. Yes, I know she also plays Sydney on Grey's Anatomy. But she's Halfrek! And she always will be.  (Lifetime 11:30 PM)