Something Else For Sherri Shepherd To Not Believe In: Today on The View, per the cable guide: "segment on toxins in the human body." Sure, it could all be an elaborate plan to fix whatever the hell Elisabeth Hasselbeck's problem is, but I'm secretly hoping the ladies will be using those Japanese foot pads you see on those infomercials. They look totally disgusting, but I can't deny the allure to try them just once. (ABC, 9 AM)

"Keeping Up" Is A Stretch: E! is running a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon today, which means absolutely nothing to me except that it will push Joel McHale even closer to the edge of insanity on The Soup. Chin up, Joel! Don't let those Kardashians get the best of you! (E! 3-6:30 PM)

Good Bad Movie Alert: Hey, I thought it was gonna suck, too, but here's why I'm recommending Running Scared as your afternoon guilty pleasure: Paul Walker as a full-on rage junkie; the extreme creepiness of Cameron Bright; Elizabeth Mitchell and Bruce Altman as terrifyingly perky child murderers; and the finest black-light hockey rink torture sequence you'll ever see in your entire life. So terrible. So awesome. (Cinemax, 5:10 PM)

Kady Malloy Will Have Her Vengeance: Sure, I'll be watching American Idol tonight to see if Amanda's '80s song is "Sweet Child O'Mine," and if Carly moves on to Heart's big-hair ouvre, but mostly I'm watching to see what will become of Malloy, who's two weeks past being overdue for elimination and has a hurricane of brattiness in her that could strip the judges bare if they dare to test her. (Fox, 8 PM)

Hasta La Vista, Squeaky: Terminator 2: Judgment Day is on tonight, which means I'll be watching all or part of it. I was saying this to Sars just this week that this movie and Jurassic Park are maybe the two effects-driven blockbusters from the early '90s that have not lost their spectacle, from a visual effects standpoint. The liquid metal stuff still looks wicked cool. Almost as cool as the biceps on Linda Hamilton. (AMC, 8 PM)

Save A Horse, Ride The Memories!: BBC America is rerunning the second season of Dancing With The Stars, which winds up with the finale episode tonight. This would be the Drew Lachey/Stacy Keibler/Jerry Rice season, where Drew dressed up like a country stripper and shimmied into our hearts. The episode, per the cable guide, also includes a Mary J. Blige performance of "Family Affair," because Drew, Stacy, and Jerry are also getting crunk in this dancery.   (BBCA, 8 PM)

Unskinny Bio: So it's come to this. Bret Michaels gets his own Biography. There was some discussion around the TWoP bullpen as to whether it's okay to watch a Biography about someone whose penis you've seen (...what? I was in college when all those Pam Anderson sex tapes emerged), but I figure we'd all watch a Biography about Ewan McGregor, right? (Bio, 9 PM)

Guaranteed To Be Better Than Jeffrey Sebelia: The Project Runway finale is tonight, and here's how I'm breaking it down. Christian is probably going to win and probably should win given how good he's been all season. Jillian's the one who I want to win, because I think she's stealthily badass and also completely nuts. Rami's the one with an outside shot at winning but who is probably too one-dimensional a designer and not enough of an arc on the show beyond the draping. So: Christian! It'll be fabulous, fantastic, and...what's another "f" word I could use? Alliteration is hard! (Bravo, 10 PM)