I don't know about y'all, but tonight I'm fixing to party like it's 1995. Break out that nappy flannel you still have lurking at the bottom of your drawer and tune into Singles (Oxygen, 10 AM). Be not ashamed! Grunge is coming back! Then feast your eyes on the artfully stringy haired coiffures of hot slackers Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites (E Love, 1:45 PM). And to wind things down, gay out with the excellent Unzipped, a documentary on Gen X designer extraordinaire Isaac Mizrahi (TMCX, 11 AM).

The latest celebrity catfight pits Ashley Olsen against Lindsay Lohan. Allegedly, Lilo screamed at Ashley to get her "fifteen-year old Full House ass" away from her girlfriend Samantha Ronson. It's moments like these that make life worth living. Not sure who to side with? Watch Lohan emote opposite Jane Fonda in Georgia Rule (MoMax, 9 AM), then catch a full hour's-worth of Ashley as Michelle Tanner on the aforementioned Full House (ABC Family, 12 PM).

Which grossly overexposed celebrity family is trashier? The uber-tanned, peroxide-tressed Hogans or the dark, exotic, and incredibly whiny Kardashians? Ponder these pressing questions whilst watching the Hogan Knows Best (VH1, 12 PM) and Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E!, 3 PM) marathons, respectively.

Surly, sunken-cheeked celebu-chef Anthony Bourdain goes where others fear to tread and consumes truly gnarly grub on Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel, 1 pm). And still manages to remain utterly boinkable. Oh, Tony. What I wouldn't give to fork you!

VH1 has decided to cash in on our national obsession with pretty, moneyed fuck-ups (Us Weekly, Gossip Girl, etc. ) with Young, Rich and Out of Control (VH1, 5 PM). And we love them for it.

If you loved Carrie or hated your prom or both, you'll want to peep THS Investigates: Prom Nightmares (E!, 8 PM). I'm failing to see what is "Hollywood" about a collection of tabloid news-style vignettes about prom-night murders. Not that I'm complaining.